Wonderful news, fast food lovers: Burger King is almost set to deliver the Whopper to your home. While you've been dragging yourselves all the way to your cars and driving to the nearest BK (ugh, exhausting!), a few of the restaurants in the Washington, D.C., area have been quietly testing out home delivery -- and they're ready to expand their service to more restaurants beyond the beltway.
Reportedly, their "proprietary thermal packaging technology" will protect you from the trauma of encountering soggy French fries and stale buns. So if you're trapped under something heavy at your home and can't make it out the door to satisfy your craving for a mushroom Swiss burger, the burger will now come to you! I can think of a few other reasons why you'd want fast food delivered to your home.
- PMS strikes. Too bloated and cranky to leave the house? Let the treatment come to you! If people can get medications delivered to their homes, why not French fries? I said, WHY NOT F#$%ING FRENCH FRIES? People, this delivery is going to save lives.
- Your kid's birthday party. Three-hundred sixty-four days a year, it's broccoli, whole grain, and milk, right? But today is upside-down day. Just throw some chicken nuggets and paper crowns at the little hellions and close the door. Now if only Burger King made Pokemon-shaped birthday cakes, too.
- Your doctor says you need more exercise. And you can't get that exercise if you have to interrupt your Wii Zumba dance party, now can you?
- Tebow makes yet another incomplete pass. Because you need to throw something at your big screen TV when the Broncos' "starting" quarterback throws like he's blind -- again. And you don't want to wipe Buffalo wing sauce off the screen. That's why you need someone to show up at your door with onion rings right around halftime. No, I'm not bitter. Really.
- You want to enjoy your fast food incognito. Let's say you're craving fast food -- but everyone knows you're a Whole-Foods-shopping health foodie. Even drive-through is too risky! You need to eat your burgers in the privacy of your own home, with the shades drawn. Bonus: You get to eat your burger all proper-style, on a plate with a cloth napkin. Aren't you fancy.
Would you order fast food delivery? Why?
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