Finally, something vegans and meat-eaters can agree about: The new "Sh*t Vegans Say" video is HI-larious. Ari Solomon, AKA @VeganAri, based his video on the beloved "Sh*t Girls Say" videos. Not only have I seen vegans posting and laughing about Ari's video, it cracked meat-eating me up, too -- especially when I saw my worst suspicious about vegans confirmed. OMG, they really do hang out at the park with binoculars scoping out all the "bitches" and "assholes" wearing fur!
But I think this vegan video might need a little decoding before it's ready to go mainstream. Girls? We know all about them. But vegans have a few surprises up their sleeves. Like -- some don't believe in eating honey. "WHAT?!?" you say? "What does being vegan have to do with freaking HONEY?!?" Think about it a minute. And then find out all the many ways vegans can be even nuttier than you ever suspected.
Okay, let's take on this honey thing. Who makes honey? That's right, bees. Which makes eating honey kind of like eating milk and eggs. You are exploting the bees!
Vitamix? Yes, especially if you're not into cooking. Simply run all those veggies through the expensive, high-powered juicer and ta-da! A liquid meal. A vitamix is almost as adored by the typical vegan as their spayed pet dog.
Who is Kathy Freston and why is she on Ellen? Kathy Freston is a revered vegan cookbook author. And did you know Ellen Degeneres is also vegan? By the way, Kathy loves the vegan video. And I think Ellen needs to have Ari on her show, for reals.
Vegans have their own movies and TV shows. "Earthlings" is "a powerful and informative documentary about society’s treatment of animals" narrated by Joaquin Phoenix with music by Moby. I think you know where that's going. "Forks Over Knives" -- another vegan propaganda film. And "Whale Wars" is an Animal Planet show about "42 crazy die-hards with a mission... to end Japanese whaling."
Food is a puzzle for vegans. Always asking questions about the menu at restaurants! And reading the ingredients lists at the grocery store, what a nightmare. What is "autolyzed yeast" anyway? ARE YOU SURE THESE ARE VEGAN?!?
One more thing: "Did you Happy Cow Palm Springs?" It sounded like gibberish to me at first, but after repeated listens and Googling I discovered Happy Cow is website that searches for all the vegan restaurants in a given city. You "Happy Cow" the same way you "Google" something.
Are vegans still a mystery to you?
Image via YouTube