Machine That Serves 'Adult-Only' Pudding Is Silliest Food Idea of 2011

jello temptationsThere's a new robot in town and it's targeting kids! And also serving pudding. I am not making this up. The pudding robot is the latest marketing marvel designed to charm you into trying a pudding "for adults only" without those meddling kids. What pudding and robots have in common is beyond me, but let's just go with it for a moment.

Smack dab in the middle of a Manhattan tourists' destination, Jell-O has planted a machine that serves free samples of its Temptations pudding dessert. But to drive home the idea that this is a sophisticated dessert just for grown-ups, the robot also has facial recognition technology that can tell if a kid tries to get the pudding. Send your 8-year-old to the pudding robot and he will be told to step away from the machine. Right. Hello? Is anyone listening? Because this is not the pudding experience I long for

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I'm speaking as a chocolate pudding fan. Bring on the creamy, gooey, chocolate stuff, right here IN MY MOUTH. Do you see where I am pointing? I don't care that it's kids' food. To tell you the truth, it hadn't even occurred to me before this deranged, child-hating pudding robot rolled into town. So what? Kids also like cookies and cake and ice cream, and you don't see grown-ups complaining, do you?

Okay, I get it, this pudding is sophisticated. How so? Layers. That's right, layered desserts in little black, plastic cups are right up there with listening to contemporary Russian opera and reading The Economist. And what combinations, too! Strawberry with cheesecake?!? JELL-O, WHY YOU SO CRAZY! Look, pudding company. You want to make a sophisticated, adults-only dessert? PUT SOME BOOZE IN IT. When, oh when, is someone going to package Kahlua pudding? Is it really asking too much? 

And don't get me started on this 150-calories-or-less nonsense. Jello H. Christ, low-calorie desserts are one of the lamest inventions of our age! Can we get something straight? Dessert is supposed to be BAD for you. That's why they call it dessert! It's loaded with fat and sugar, it's scrumptious, and you only eat one a week. Low-calorie dessert-like substances just confuse the public. We don't know what to eat when anymore! And from what I hear, these low-calorie pudding snacks are dangerously unsatisfying, especially for women with PMS. You may be tempted to eat the whole pack in a futile quest to satisfy your craving. God, I am craving full-fat chocolate pudding in the worst way now.

What do you think of the "adult-only" pudding dispensing machine?

 

Image via Jello/Facebook

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