Hey Kids! Reindeer Meat Isn't As Gross As It Sounds

reindeerHey kids! I bet you guys are really hungry, aren't ya. All that playing in the snow, all that running around the house chasing the cat, all that Christmas card making with all that glitter and glue -- it really works up an appetite, doesn't it? I hear ya. Come, sit down at the table. Your Auntie has just what you're craving. I've prepared some delicious reindeer pate on whole wheat crackers. Mmm. Here, wash it down with this yummy glass of water. What? WTF? Why the face? Don't tell me. You don't like reindeer meat? Well, yes, I see what you're saying, it is kind of like eating Rudolph, but you know, kids, it's really time you started getting more experimental when it comes to your choice of snacks. Those graham crackers and string cheese sticks are so, oh, how do I say this. Well, they're childish. And besides! Reindeer meat is so hot right now.


No, I'm not joking Johnathon, so quit your laughing and listen up. Reindeer meat is this season's hottest accessory. It's sold out at Harvey Nichols. Har-vy Nich-ols. Yeah, it's a famous London-based store that sells all sorts of high-class foodstuffs. They can't keep reindeer pate in stock! Everyone, including your sophisticated Auntie, is snatching up cans of the stuff just so kids like you can have a little culture in their lives.

OK. I don't really understand why you're all crying right now. Come on! It's not like I'm asking you to eat puppy pate. The reindeer that sacrificed their lives for this pate were farm raised in Sweden. Oh, please. Really? You honestly thought that all the reindeer live on the North Pole near Santa's workshop? You kids, you gotta get out more. I don't know what your mom's been telling you, but for real, I'm glad I'm here to broaden your horizons.

Wow. You kids really aren't letting up with the whining. Well, once everyone stops their wailing, I'll tell you about the heart benefits of reindeer meat. It's low in fat, everybody! Great substitute for all that pepperoni you've been eating on that death pie called pizza.

Oh you kids are a lost cause. I can't even hear myself think anymore. Fine. Go eat your sugary cookies and guzzle down water flavored with that red powdery stuff. Don't ever tell me that your Auntie never tried to teach you something new, OK? Whatever. More reindeer pate for me. Johnathon, pass me your plate.

Would you ever try reindeer pate?


Photo via Sam Pullara/Flickr

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