12 Wacky Holiday Gifts for the Home Cook Who Has Everything

chocolate nativityOh joy, it's that time of year when we exchange delectable holiday food gifts! Bring on the candy cakes, the eggnog, the stollen, the latkes, and the chocolate gelt! But hold on there, little elves. Sometimes people get a little too creative with those holiday delicacies. 

1. How about we start with this chocolate Nativity? Nothing says "Holy Family" like swirls of milk and white chocolate. Forgive me, Lord, for Thou art delicious. Such sweet, sweet, transubstantiation. What else you got there in your gift bag for me?


2. Texas-Shaped Fruitcake. What's better than a fruitcake? A fruitcake shaped like Texas. And what's better than a fruitcake shaped like Texas? A fruitcake shaped like Texas that costs a thousand dollars! Check out that over-sized, 150-pounder.

3. Peeing Santa Drink Dispenser. Classy! Perfect for future in-laws, the boss, your teacher, your pastor, or anyone else you want to make a good impression on.

4. SpongeBob Gingerbread Pineapple Kit. Where do I get started? This is about nine different kinds of wrong, not least of which -- you have to construct the gingerbread pineapple yourself.

5. Lump of Coal Candy. Everyone wants this, obs.

6. Eggnog-Flavored Taffy. The perfect holiday gift for when you don't really care and you can't come up with another blasted idea. Not to mention -- who even likes taffy in the first place? Tarting it up in holiday flavors does not help.

7. Eggnog-Flavored Gumballs. Because maybe eggnog-flavored taffy isn't weird enough for you. And don't we all love to chew our eggnog?

8. Marzipan Coffee. Oh look at you, gettin' all "fancy" with the almond-flavored coffee! No, it's not just almond, it's marzipan. Oooooh, so it's European!

9. Bacon Ornament. Mmmmm, shiny and meaty.

10. Bacon-Flavored Candy Canes. Enough! With the bacon treats! Haven't you people gone far enough with the bacon fanaticism? Is nothing sacred to you?!?

11. Polar Candy Cane Selzer Water. AKA: Look, Mommy, I left my candy cane in this glass of water overnight and Santa made it candy cane-flavored! Also in eggnog. That's right, they removed everything wonderful about eggnog and just left that funny aftertaste.

12. "Joy" Marshmallow Peeps. I'm not feeling the JOY here. Sorry.

What's the wackiest holiday food gift you've ever seen?


Image via Adriana Velez

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