Incredible Jesus Toaster Is God's Gift to Mankind

jesus toasterSo many terrific foods have come from Vermont like maple syrup, Ben & Jerry's, and some pretty incredible cheeses. But a new revelation has allowed us to add toast to the list. Not just any toast, but toast with Jesus' face burnt into it. Praise be on high because a clever man from Walden, Vermont, has developed a toaster that will turn your bread into something exciting. Called Burnt Impressions, Galen Dively's company makes toasters that delicately singe the image of a famous deity or politician onto your otherwise boring breakfast. That is a yes, please!

In case you don't want to take a crunchy bite out of God's son, there are plenty of other options from which to choose! I'm so happy about this. SO happy.


You can get Obama on your toast, or the Virgin Mary, or Sarah Palin, or the Star of David, or the crescent moon of Islam, or a butterfly, a crab, a dolphin, a peace sign, a weed leaf, a dog paw, a music note, a cup of coffee, and a smiley face. There are even more options, if you can believe it. And! You can even order a customized toaster that burns on an image of your choice! This guy's thought of everything.

jesus toaster

Dively started his business a year and a half ago and claims he's not getting rich off it, but certainly getting by. If I had limitless funds, I'd snatch up 50 of these toasters and hand them out to my closest family and friends. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like spreading I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on Jesus' face, no?

For only $31.95 (which includes shipping!), your morning routine will be revitalized, if not blessed, with an exciting piece of toast. It's a great way to support local business -- Dively assembles each toaster in his home. Dively told MSNBC that orders for 50-100 toasters come in a day, which, to me, isn't half bad. Isn't half bad at all.

I plan on ordering one because I really see this as a necessity more than an option. I need this toaster. I can't decide what I want burnt into my bread, but I'm leaning toward the smiley face. Happy toast! Happy toast for everyone!

Do you think Burnt Impressions is creepy, or cool, or what?


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