White Coke Cans Pulled Because Soda Drinkers Can’t Read

white cokeOh Coke drinkers. I may never get to hold a frosty holiday White Coke in my hand, and it's all because of the haters! Just as the new holiday-themed White Coke cans were about to descend upon us like so many caffeinated snowflakes (okay, heavy, large ones -- stay with me here), they've been yanked out of our paws forever. Turns out people just don't like their Coke to come in a white can.

White Coke was supposed to be with us through the holidays until February, but Coke is switching back to red early. Why would they deprive me so? Now I'll never get to match my beverage to my Wite-Out manicure because the orthodox Coke drinkers insist on red -- and for the silliest reasons, too.

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Some Coke drinkers were confusing the white cans for the silver, Diet Coke cans. No joke -- there have been reports of customers returning white cans purchased accidentally by Diet Coke fans. Caffeinated dieters need to slow down and read the cans! DIET -- look, the word's right there.

People think White Coke tasted different. Ugh, watch the taste test below! What the hell? First of all, this was a rigged study, with preconceived notions the subject is going to expect one of the cans to taste differently. They should have tested three cans. Secondly, Coke KNOWS BETTER than to mess with the taste. Coke would never do that to you, people! They learned their lesson years ago with New Coke.

And now, because White Coke haters hated, the polar bears suffer. The whole reason behind the white cans (besides that Coke is always trying to find ways to make themselves "new" and relevant to the most stodgy, change-averse customers, ever) was to raise awareness of polar bears! The eight-packs come with a reminder: "Help protect polar bears' habitat." And now we're going to forget to protect polar bears' habitat! All because no one wanted to drink brown, corn-syrup-flavored sparkling beverage from a white can! Where are our priorities?!?

Whatever. Coke is still donating $3 million to conservation efforts, with or without our White Coke patronage. And I may still, by some miracle, find one of those White Coke cans. Yes, Virginia, there is a Coke Santa Claus.

Are you sad to see White Coke go or did you even notice it was around? Did it taste different from Coke in a red can to you?


Image via Coca-Cola

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