Herman Cain Should Be Judged by His Pizza, Not His Politics

godfather's pizzaWhen Herman Cain arrived on the Republican presidential scene, I perked up. Godfather's Pizza! Are they even still in business? I remember Godfather's from my childhood in Denver, back before I found out what pizza is supposed to taste like. Amiright? Was this your first pizza, too? I thought Godfather's had gone extinct, but no. It's just that I had moved to New York City, where puffy pizza is against the law.

So now that I'm all grown up, I'm wondering ... is Godfather's actually good pizza? I had bad taste when I was a child, so my memory is unreliable. Even more important, is it fair to judge a presidential candidate by his pizza? If he's a former Godfather's Pizza CEO, why not? 

Four slices of cheap, cheesy, pepperoni-topped political analysis, coming right up!

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Sour taste and a crust with identity issues. In a blind taste test by Politico.com, a Republican strategist, a Democrat commentator, and a centrist foodie all thought Godfather's Pizza was the worst. "Sour" cheese and a "spongy" crust that can't decide if it's trying to be thin or thick were among the descriptions. So are Cain's remarks a little too tart? Does he really get how being President of the United States is different from being CEO of a pizza chain?

Stale pizza = stale ideas? "Paint_by_numbers" on Houston's B4-U-Eat.com keeps giving Godfather's chance after chance and doesn't even know why. The pizza is so dry, she reports, "my son even banged his crust on the table (insert 'thunk, thunk, thunk' noise here) and wouldn't eat it." Pizza so dry your kids won't eat it? How about a tax plan so cut and dried, it withers under the heat lamps of scrutiny?

They don't deliver. A common complaint about Godfather's is that some stores don't deliver. Kim in West Des Moines sees a lost opportunity. "For crying out loud, the dining room is usually empty. They'd make a killing if they hired a driver!" When "susierbnsn" on RateItAll.com ordered a pizza online, it never showed up and the store put the blame on a system failure. "Irishglt" says, "They made me an offer which I can easily and happily refuse." Is Cain feeding you hot, steaming promises he can't deliver?

No substance. Most damming of all is Tim Carman's opinion piece in the Washington Post. He describes "rounds of fluffy focaccia-style bread slathered with sauce and toppings and buried under a mound of processed mozzarella. They had neither the cornmeal walls of genuine deep dish nor the thin, chewy, charred crusts of Neapolitan pizza. These were pies of no great distinction." Oh Herman, you are dishing up empty calories, aren't you?

Meanwhile, Cain's rise in the polls has not translated into sales for Godfather's.

I know pizza and Cain are both entertaining, but maybe it's time to go back and reconsider the other Republican candidates. Which means one thing: It's time to face Romney's Mormon lime green Jello.

What do you think? Are you avoiding both Herman Cain and Godfather's Pizza?

 

Image via Godfathers.com

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