frozen yogurtYou're going to hate me for this, but I feel like it's my duty to fill you in on the latest frozen-yogurt goings-on across our nation. This story comes out of creepy New Mexico, where nothing good ever seems to happen. Anthony Garcia, now a former employee at the Sunflower Farmer's Market, has pleaded guilty to adulterating food and lying to federal prosecutors. Garcia is one sick bastard and deserves to have the book thrown at him for serving women a sample of his semen when they asked for a sample of his frozen yogurt.

OhmygodIcan'tstopgagging.

How disgusting is that? Apparently Garcia aggressively asked the woman to try the frozen yogurt and he handed her one of those small, pathetic waxy paper cups full of his own jizz. It's unclear whether or not it was a yogurt with semen topping, or a yogurt-semen swirly mix, or a smoothie type combination of the two, or just straight up semen but needless to say, no one is splitting hairs over the difference. If there's excreta in food, it's a problem.

Garcia allegedly served his special sauce to two women who immediately identified the contents and told police. Thanks to them, this asshole faces up to eight years in prison for his offense, which to my dismay, does not include sexual harassment. I feel like that's an appropriate charge, don't you?

I gotta wonder what went on in Garcia's head. I'm picturing him like Beavis, heh-hehing manically as he whacks off into tiny sample cups and then tries to get women to try it. If he was turned on by the sexy curves of the frozen-yogurt machine, he's one weird dude. If he was aroused by his impending crime, then this guy's got bigger issues. Glad he was caught.

So when you take the little ones out for fro-yo this week, and they complain it tastes funny ... take their word for it. Sprinkles aren't supposed to be white and drizzly.

Has food you've been served ever been tampered with?

 

Photo via apasciuto/Flickr