dukan oat branThank you, low-fat food gods, for the gift of the Dukan Diet! You have repackaged the Atkins Diet for us, but instead of bacon, you have given us Kate Middleton -- who would be skinny anyway -- as your shining star.

The Dukan has already dazzled France and the U.K., and more recently, it's hit our shores with its low-carb/high-protein plan. Though it arrived a few months back, it's not showing signs of packing up and leaving anytime soon. It's the perfect diet for picky eaters who love munching on oat bran and their own fingernails. Yay us!

Okay, so this diet isn't exactly like Atkins. It's also low-fat, so no more deluding yourself that you can lose weight while indulging in calorie-dense meat like pork sausage. You can eat all you want (from a small list of approved foods), so theoretically you'll feel satisfied. 

The Dukan, as you may remember, is what got Kate Middleton so whippet-thin in time for the royal wedding. Here's what she ate -- or, rather, didn't eat:

Two of the major food groups, for starters. Like the Atkins, the Dukan severely restricts healthy foods like fruit, whole grains, and most vegetables -- you know, the foods nutritionists are always telling us to eat more of. The ones with vitamins. Silly vitamins! Who needs those? Just take a vitamin supplement! And keep eating all that (low-fat) meat and fish!

Possible risks of the Dukan include fatigue, dry mouth, bad breath, feeling bitchy all day, and constipation, so that makes for a fun honeymoon.

But never mind Kate. To get a more realistic picture of how the diet works, check out Jenni Murray, someone who is trying to lose weight for non-royal reasons. (Not that top picture ... scroll down ... there she is.) Hey, she's doing great, but she looks a lot more like the rest of us than like Her Royal Skinniness.

Another exciting feature of this shedding-pounds strategy is its four phases: Attack (in which you jump-start your sluggish metabolism), Cruise (during which you are finally allowed to eat something other than meat and fish), Consolidation (where you realize this is your new life and you start the rebellion binging), and Stabilization (in which you give the diet the finger and go back to whatever you were eating before all this nonsense). Winning!

To get started on your personalized Dukan Diet plan, you must first answer the question, "Need to lose weight fast?" Write NO. That's not only the healthier answer, it's the tastier one too. Every nutritionist says slow, steady weight loss is much better than the fast yo-yo-inducing kind. Why are they even asking this stuff anymore? Because they know what we want: miracles.

So, to review, the Dukan Diet:

  • makes you eat lots of oat bran and skinless chicken breast
  • helps skinny people get even skinnier
  • hopefully won't get you too discouraged by the severely limited range of foods
  • forces you to drink a lot of water and take extra vitamins

But, hey, as long as we can hold onto the pipe dream of looking like Princess Catherine in her royal wedding dress, it doesn't matter what we have to eat to get there -- does it?

Would you try to incorporate the Dukan Diet into your meals, or do you think it's just another unhealthy celebrity food fad?


Image via MyDukanDietShop