Nothing conjures up warm, lazy, summertime happy feelings like an adorably packed picnic basket. Just thinking about going on a hike and taking along a picnic basket makes me a little giddy for the freedom that good weather and outdoor dining bring. Until I stop and really, really think about it. That's when I realize, I freaking hate picnics and the baskets that come with them.
Sure, I registered for an adorable picnic basket from Crate & Barrel when I got married. And my super cool friends got it for me, fully loaded with a blanket, sturdy plastic wine goblets, a cheese tray and knife, and of course a bottle opener. I was in love (with the basket). Then, fast-forward to my latest move where I finally admitted I was NEVER going to use this gorgeous picnic basket, and it was better off living with friends who are bigger fans of the great outdoors than I.
Here's why picnics are a horrible idea, and baskets are a huge waste of trees. (Yes, it has something to do with OCD.)
1. Bad weather
No matter how cute your reusable bamboo plates are, a good strong gust of wind will turn your sandwich holder over, ruining your lunch. Also, get ready for napkins to fly away before you even have a chance to use them. Add sweating and/or sunburn, unexpected rain that results in wet grass, and you've got a crappy picnic.
It's a fact: Ants do love a picnic. As do flies, mosquitoes, bees, and other creepy crawlies. But they don't make the best dining partners. Unless you like blood-sucking, disease-carrying dinner guests. Do you?
3. It's heavy!
For a fab picnic, you're going to want to keep your cool stuff cool, and keep your drinks on ice. Which makes for a heavy bag, if not a super cool spread. How far are you going to have to carry that basket?
You'd never leave your trash behind in nature, right? Right. Which means you have to tote it back with you, next to your non-trash leftovers. Which makes my OCD go NUTS.
5. No facilities
There's nothing I hate more than being trapped outdoors, with dirty food hands and a full bladder. I don't want to get into my car with yucky hands and gunk up my steering wheel to drive to a gas station to wash. I want to go to my bathroom or a restaurant bathroom. Otherwise my skin itches.
Do you think picnics are worth all the trouble?
Image via Mykl Roventine/Flickr