Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae Hurts So Good

ice cream sundaeWho do you think likes bacon more: humans or dogs? At one point in time, I would have put my money on dogs, but these days, I think we can all rest assured that man has surpassed canine in his undying love of the salty meat. It's only a matter of months before our pets have us on our knees, begging for a bite of their treats.

We've gone crazy, people. We're baconphiles, and we only seem to be getting worse. First, we drank bacon vodka. Then, we doused ourselves with bacon cologne. And now -- at this very moment -- we're stuffing our gullets with Denny's Maple Bacon Sundae.

Congratulations, America! We have managed to out-fat ourselves yet again!


The sundae, which is part of Denny's "Baconalia" festival, includes maple-flavored syrup, vanilla ice cream, and "a generous sprinkle of diced hickory-smoked bacon." Other Baconalia dishes include a Triple Bacon Sampler, Bacon Meatloaf, and a BBBLT Sandwich.

Wait a minute, though. Am I the only person who sees something wrong with the Maple Bacon Sundae? Who else thinks something's missing? Um, yeah -- mayonnaise! Why the eff is there no mayo in my bacon sundae?! What kind of a country is this? Can I at least get a double side of mayo with my meat-filled sundae? No? What about Crisco? Still no? Wow! This is bull. I'm out!

Just kidding. Still here. Hi. No, I really just can't take another minute of this baconian madness. It's disturbing. Hasn't bacon peaked yet? Shouldn't it be on its crispy, salty way down by now? It only seems like more bacon-clad food is popping up every which way I turn. Enough! I had a perfectly healthy relationship with the artery-clogging stuff, but now, it's become my arch enemy.

What do you say we give the bacon a rest, people? Why don't we give another meat the chance to shine? Bacon's been hogging the limelight for far too long. How about prosciutto? Or lamb? Now those are two seriously under-used meats. And don't tell me lamb brulee has never once crossed your mind.

Will you be trying the Maple Bacon Sundae?


Image via @joefoodie/Flickr

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