Food Network Wine Not Snooty Enough for Food Network Fans

Nicole Fabian-Weber
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food networkI gotta hand it to you, Food Network. You have really made quite the impact on the World According to Food. I mean, we are a nation full of foodies now. We only use sea salt instead of that iodized crap. We prefer local over long-distance. And don't even think of walking away from our table without shaving truffles on our plates. We stand united ... as a bunch of food snobs.

And of course the Food Network had a hand in this. Not only does it reach 100 million homes, it's responsible for making celebrity chefs, such as Mario Batali and child-hating Barefoot Contessa, household names. They, along with Top Chef, have taught us that expensive and fancy, good; cheap and generic, bad. So, what in the hell are they thinking coming out with a wine label?

Called "Entwine" (awful name), the Food Network is launching four new wine varietals (that's a wine made primarily from a single named grape variety. See? Food snobbery. [And Wikipedia.]): Cabernet Sauvignon, Chardonnay, Merlot, and Pinot Grigio. And I really don't think anyone is going to drink them. At least not the people they're hoping to.

Listen, Food Network, you're the ones who have turned us into the wine-swishing, no-cheese-is-sharp-enough folk that we are. You've created a nation of monsters. So, through your tutelage, why in the crap would we want to drink a $12.99 bottle of booze that comes from a cable network? That's not fancy. That's gauche and declasse. Mario Batali would never drink that stuff! Why should we?

And the fact that the descriptions are horribly cheesy doesn't help either. The Pinot Grigio is described as "a green apple drizzled with lime juice and honey." While the Chardonnay is supposedly "reminiscent of a slice of toast spread with homemade apple butter." Come on, guys, don't you know who you're dealing with here.

Food Network chef Anne Burrell is getting in on trying to pull the wool over our eyes. She said:

The only way you will learn is to try. Drinking is research! So get out there and drink more.

Nice try, Anne, but that is, like, so totally beneath us.

What do you think of the new Food Network wine?

 

Image via karen horton/Flickr

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