Gwyneth Paltrow Is the New Martha Stewart: Bad Thing!

Nicole Fabian-Weber
2

martha stewart
Not Gwyneth Paltrow.
It's time that we accept that it's Gwyneth Paltrow's world and we're all just living in it. No need to tell you that homegirl is everywhere these days -- but I will because I really want to drive this point home. She's an actress (both movie and TV), a singer, a Gooper, and of course, the latest celebrity chef.

Celebrity chef you say?! Why, yes I did. What else should we call someone who is famous (celebrity) and has a cookbook (chef)? Look, I don't love the "title" that much either, but it is what it is. No, Gwyneth isn't professionally trained. And, yes, we can all probably cook some crap up better than she can, but what else do we call her? If you're some, how about Martha Stewart?

Blashphemy! Hey, the New York Post said it, not me. They actually quoted journalist Allen Salkin, who is working on a book about the rise of the food celebrity, as saying:

Every food celebrity appeals to us as a surrogate family member. Martha is your crafty aunt, and so in the family of food celebrities, I could see Gwyneth as your slightly kooky but sweet sister.

Really? You can see Gwyneth Paltrow as my sister? That's interesting because last time I checked, my sister wasn't fasting, or juice cleansing, or eating organic muffins that have only been warmed via the thighs of a Peruvian virgin. But I guess there are some similarities:

  • They're both blonde. Unnaturally blonde, but blonde.
  • They both have that creepy (creepier for Martha) perma-grin plastered across their faces.
  • They're both human beings. Hey, me too!
  • They both seem like they would be a lot of fun after a few glasses of wine. (It would be weird seeing them out of control. Kind of like seeing your high school math teacher out at the mall.)

However, there are definitely ways Gwyneth is not Martha. Not by a long shot:

  • Gwyneth could never fool an entire country into thinking she comes up with all the ideas for her magazine and website. 
  • Gwyneth can't instill fear into an entire office building just by being in a five-mile radius of it. You know once Martha rounds the corner towards the office, employees begin typing up reports, building cupcake towers, and cutting paper dolls.
  • Gwyneth would never be able to craft an entire gingerbread house using nothing but a graham cracker and a pipe cleaner. Martha totally could.

So there! Who gets the last laugh now, ladies? What's that? You guys are both worth 700 billion dollars? Oh, I guess me then. Good talk.

What do you think of Gwyneth becoming the new Martha?


Image via david_shakbone/Flickr

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