Royal Wedding Dunkin Donut Calls Americans Fat

Lindsay Mannering

royal wedding donutAfter St. Patrick's Day comes Easter. And after Easter comes Memorial Day. Just kidding! After Easter our next "holiday" is the Royal Wedding. Stuff all the soda bread you can into your pie hole today, eat all the Cadbury eggs you want on Easter Sunday, but save room for the Dunkin' Donuts Royal Wedding Donut, which finds its way onto shelves at the end of April.

These suckers won't be served in the U.K. so we here in the colonies are lucky to have such a timely and sweet treat to celebrate the Prince and Princess that will not be our rulers or collect taxes from us, or remind us that we'll never be royalty.

So why are we getting a special Royal Wedding donut here in the States -- are they calling us fat?

I've heard worse reasons. reports that the real impetuous is that Dunkin' Donuts CEO, Nigel Travis, is British-born and is enthusiastic about the big day. As if his name alone didn't help us narrow down two things about him: a) he's British, b) he'd be an amazing judge at any talent show or singing competition. Even still, there are no Dunkin' Donuts in the U.K., so you can't really sell the donuts in imaginary stores.

The donut will be heart-shaped with vanilla frosting with chocolate stripes and cherry filling. Clearly the filling is supposed to symbolize the royal blood line and how everyone loves the Da Vinci Code, the vanilla is supposed to represent how the couple is so boring, and the chocolate stripes are a reference to the imprisonment that is the institution of marriage. Kind of heavy for a donut, but it's not like I just made these things up out of thin air and wrote them down as if they were facts in order to make a lame joke. Nope.

The wedding will take place on April 29, and so far to commemorate, you can get everything from poorly printed mugs to coins to nail polish. Why not eat a donut in their honor, too? We always need a good excuse to chow down. The donuts will only be available for a limited time: April 24 to April 29. So save up that 89 cents you were going to blow on that CVS brand chocolate Easter bunny on a stick -- this will be worth your waity. Right, Katie?

Will you get the Royal Donut?

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