Dear Corned Beef & Cabbage, I Have a Bone to Pick With You

Lindsay Mannering
8

corned beef

Blech.

Dear Corned Beef and Cabbage,

You are killing me. Get out of my life and my St. Patrick's Day recipe book already. I get that this is the one week a year people actually talk about you, but it's getting out of control. Everywhere I go, there you are lurking around the next corner with your sogginess and saltiness, just forcing yourself down my throat, thankfully figuratively, and not literally (barf).

You're on restaurant signs on their doors, you're on bar menus, and don't get me started on your takeover of the Internet. Honestly, enough is enough. I can't wait for March 18 for when you officially disappear again for 350 days.

Who likes you, anyway? Not me. And I'm kinda your target audience, seeing as I'm 100% Irish. I wish it was still the olden days, like real olden days, when the traditional Irish dish that was cooked to celebrate St. Patty was bacon and cabbage. Hell to the YES. You, corned beef, with your weird name that no one understands and your hours-long cook time, are a disgrace.

Did you think you could just ... replace bacon? I mean, the audacity. You just perked right up when you heard Irish immigrants were being made fun of for their pig farms, didn't ya. "Oh! Pick me, Irish! I'm beef and I don't come from pigs." Savvy move, beef, savvy move.

But I've had it up to HERE with you. Enough! Take your salted edges and marbled flanks and get the hell out of here. It's time bacon came back to claim her throne as the Irish dish du jour. Face it -- everyone loves bacon, but not everyone loves you. That's a little tough love for ya, Corned Beef.

And Cabbage? You can stick around I guess. You're traditional at least, and with enough butter and salt, I can slide your leaves down my throat like a Swiss kid on a sled.

Tomorrow is your ball, Belle Corned Beef. So live it up, but just know that Bacon and I are coming for you.

Will you join in the bacon revolution for St. Patrick's Day?


Photo via bobjudge/Flickr

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