French people get everything! They're skinnier, they have great indigenous wines and accents, and now this: the automatic baguette vending machine. I don't know how many times I've gone up to a vending machine and pressed A4 for Animal Crackers, only wishing I could press a button that would dispense warm, gooey, home machine-made bread.
To have a baguette topple down from the metal rungs of goodies would be heaven on Earth. And now I hear that France has mind-tapped me and installed these dream-come-true machines in stores across their country.
What? Exactly. Go for the cafes and sightseeing, stay for the bread vending machine.
According to DavidLebovitz.com, all you must do is insert 1 euro into this small truck-sized machine, and let the magic begin. The first step is waiting for your loaf to bake, which takes about 60 seconds, then waiting for it to cool, which takes 30 seconds.
After your 90 seconds is up, a mechanical hand reaches out from the machine, grabs you by the gut, and jiggles your fat. If your fat shimmies for more than two seconds, no bread for you.
Just kidding! After 90 seconds, the machine births your bread to you, its happy parent. You swaddle your personal loaf and gently pack it away in your bag until you are safe at home alone and can eat the whole thing with salted butter and raspberry jam while watching Mad Men on DVD in your high school sweats.
This bread vending machine, presumably half-freezer, half-oven, is going on my wish list. Forget a trip to Paris, I want to purchase one of these bad boys for my home, and for my career. I'll just put it on a street corner here, sit next to it on a stool, and sell bread from a machine. $1 for the bread, $2 for the experience.
Are you into the bread vending machine?
Photo via little blue hen/Flickr