An Edible Arrangement Is as Sexy as Grandma

Lindsay Mannering
17

edible arrangementsIf you got to this article because you Googled "Edible Arrangements," I'm glad I caught you before any damage was done. Do not buy an Edible Arrangement for your Valentine. Just as the name implies, this gift is totally unsexy.

The gift of citrus is perfect for some occasions. Nothing says "Happy Graduation" better than a tin of fruit from your aunt. Nothing says "Get Well Soon" like some pears and apples on sticks from your co-workers.

And nothing says "Wanna not have sex for a month?" like some pineapple skewers from your partner. And I don't think that's the message that anyone wants to send on Valentine's day.

If your lover has scurvy or rickets, then yeah, maybe a boutique of grapes and melon is a good idea. Otherwise, let's leave the fruit and sticks and buckets out of the Valentine's Day equation. It's fine, even great, for every other day of the year, just not today.

Do you want to watch someone eat out-of-season fruit and pretend to like it? No, no you don't. Do you want to watch someone's soul be crushed when he opens that crinkly plastic wrap and smells mushy bananas? No you don't. Do you want an implied weight-problem to hang in the air like a thick cloud of tear-gas? On Thanksgiving, maybe, but not Valentine's day. Just say no to the fruit.

Guys and girls out there, sex it up a bit today. Save the fruit arrays for another occasion.

What's your take on giving or receiving edible arrangements to or from your Valentine?


Photo via Beth Gibbons/Flickr

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