Death by Diet Soda Is Preferable to Life Without It

Megan Van Schaick

diet sodaAn afternoon Diet Coke is a daily ritual for me. It’s a bit of an addiction. I have to have it. It’s frosty cold heaven in a can.

Except, apparently, it’s also frosty cold death in a can

A new study is telling me that my beloved daily diet soda is slowly killing me. It’s wrapping the cold arms of death around my heart and squeezing until I collapse. Here I thought I was being good by switching to diet instead of regular. The lack of sugar offset my midnight snack of Fruity Pebbles, and zero calories, well, clearly you can’t go wrong with that.

But this new research found that 61 percent of the people who drank a diet soda every day had a higher risk of vascular events (heart attack and stroke, basically).

Scary stuff.

Here’s what’s scarier: me without Diet Coke.

They already took away regular Coke (it rots your teeth, you know).

Five Hour Energy is the worst concoction ever put on this earth, save Robitussin. It’s more of a punishment than a reward.

Coffee? It makes you pee. Have you ever tried to sit through an afternoon staff meeting after downing a venti soy mocha latte?

Are these “doctors” for real?

Diet Coke is all I have left, people! It’s the only thing that gets me through the day! All day I sit in anticipation of the Diet Coke break. Right about 3 o’clock, when I’m hitting my afternoon slump, I turn to the fridge and my most trusted friend: Diet Coke. It’s a treat for making it that far through the day. It’s enough caffeine to get me through the rest of the day.

So bring on the heart attack. I’ll take that with a side of stroke. Just don’t take away my Diet Coke.

Will you give up your diet soda based on this new study?


Image via Foxymoron/Flickr

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