Here at The Stir we like to try to find the bright side of disgusting news, and the recent revelation that Taco Bell meat may be fake is no exception. While the rest of the fast-food eating world is knee-jerking with outrage and consumer activism, we're putting on our sombreros and doing the Mexican hat dance!
And, after I let you in on some enlightening information as to why the Taco Bell bombshell that beef in the food chain's meals are only about 40 percent beef and the rest fillers and extenters is actually really great news, I'm sure we won't be the only ones. In fact, my bet is that you'll be planning your own Run to the Border faster than you can say "maltodrextrin"!
1. You'll be eating less meat!
I mean, it's obvious, isn't it? Taco Bell serving us fake meat means we're pumping less cholesterol and saturated fasts into our bloodstream. Hooray, it's what health experts, the government, and Gwyneth Paltrow have been telling us we need to live a longer, healthier life for years! And now we can actually achieve it without technically becoming a vegetarian. Brilliant.
2. You'll be drinking more water.
In place of meat, one of the substances Taco Bell supposedly uses as filler is good old H2O. We all need to drink more water, especially if you eat a lot of salt laden fast foods. Depending on how many Taco Bells you eat in one day, this could count for at least one or two glasses.
3. You'll get more fiber.
Lord knows we also don't eat enough vegetables; Gwyneth is constantly telling us that, too. Taco Bell has solved this problem, as well, by adding a whole bunch of stuff with vegetable and natural sounding names, including "wheat oats," "soy lecithin," "modified corn starch," and "isolated oat product." Heck, that's practically breakfast.
4. Fewer cows have to die.
That one should also be obvious.
5. No more wait time!
Our local Taco Bell usually has a long line, people love that meaty goodness so much. So those pessimists who are actually turned off by the prospect of fake meat may be ordering their Mexican food at places that opt for the real stuff, which means Speedy Gonzales for you!
6. It will boost the local economy.
Again, all those Mom and Pop authentic Mexican restaurants who couldn't compete with Taco Bell serving the "same" burrito at a fourth of the price now have a chance to thrive.
7. At least it's not a chicken nugget.
Have I convinced you? Eating fake meat isn't really all that bad, is it?