Fake Vegetable Video Proves FDA Needs to Grow Some

Adriana Velez
14

onion eat a goddamn carrotAn FDA official recently made a startlingly frank and -- some may say -- controversial statement: "Just eat a god***m vegetable every once in a while."

This is the first time anyone from the FDA has stated nutritional advice so plainly. Usually its statements are more nuanced, along the lines of "baby, maybe you've had enough donuts now" and "perhaps it might be in your own best interest to take a look at this handy food pyramid, but far be it from us to tell you what to eat because then you'd burn down our offices like crazed, angry villagers."

Okay, fine, it's just satire (i.e. "fake news") from The Onion and Steve Hoyer is a made-up character, not the actual Deputy Commissioner of the FDA. But what if the FDA really did make announcements like that? Would it jolt people out of their fast-food-induced dazes? Or would people get angry and spout rants like the one left by viewer Syd360 on The Onion's YouTube page?

Unbelievable!! The FDA has some nerve to tell the hand that feeds it (i.e the tax payers) what´╗┐ and when to eat in such a disgusting fashion. I couldnt [sic] give two hoots if he lost his cool [sic] there is absolutely NO excuse for a public official to use vulgar language like that...Especially since the FDA was set up to PROTECT the consumer, not insult them!! Why wasnt [sic] this on FOX 51 evening news here in Gainsville?? [sic] I sincerely hope the FDA has the sense to get rid of Mr Hoyer. Absolutely disgusting.

Ah Syd360, doing Gainesville, Florida and Fox News proud. I'll tell you why the government would be justified in telling you to eat more vegetables using vulgar language: because if you ate your vegetables, maybe the satire-identification region of your brain will develop properly thus preventing you from becoming an object of derision in a YouTube comments section -- where the intellectual bar is already set pretty low. (Unless Syd360's comments are themselves a piece of satire, in which case, well done, sir.)

But with obesity-related illnesses costing some $147 billion a year and causing health care costs to rise, could you blame a government official for yelling about carrots over a podium? After all, our eating has gotten the government into a lot of hot water, with half the country demanding health care reform and the other half demanding no health care reform, just more of the same please, with a side order of large fries and a super-size Pepsi.

Sigh.

 

Image via The Onion/YouTube

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