Sorry Gwyneth, 'Sometimes Vegetarian' Doesn't Exist

Jeanne Sager

Gwyneth PaltrowAnother day, another bit of proof that most celebrities have no clue what it means to be a vegetarian. This time it's Gwyneth Paltrow, the celebrity mom who once threw a vegan birthday party for her fruity named kid just to prove you can party without killing an animal.

She has said she's "pretty much vegetarian" in the past, but this week Paltrow showed up at Morton's Steakhouse where she was part of a trio of ladies who ordered shrimp cocktail, filet mignon, shrimp Alexander, and sea bass (plus some salad). Morton's, in case you couldn't guess by the name, is a place where the menu boasts "the best steak anywhere."

Hey Gwyn. I am a vegetarian. I wouldn't be caught dead in a steakhouse. And I wouldn't order anything on your menu. In fact, after 13 years of not letting so much as a fish stick pass my lips, the "sometime vegetarians" in Hollywood who are vegan one day, eating fish the next, drive me bonkers. So let me break it down for the confused celebrities:

Even if Gwyneth did not partake of the steak (which is hard to believe at a steakhouse), and stuck to the other edibles in their order, she is not a vegetarian. That would make her a pescatarian, someone who eats fish but otherwise eats mostly non-meat items. Fish-eaters who call themselves vegetarians abound, but don't be deceived. They are still eating things that once moved of their own accord. PETA would laugh them out of the building; and for once I agree with the nut jobs in Norfolk.

And what if she eats poultry or red meat only on rare occasions, saving places like Morton's for special treats? She's still not a vegetarian. You wouldn't call yourself a vegetarian because you eat a cheese sandwich for lunch without any lunch meats on it, would you? Sure, you passed up meat once, but you went back to it. The same goes for people who pass up the meat most days ... but do eventually eat it.

Calling Paltrow a vegetarian for considering cutting the meat is like saying Sarah Palin is a liberal because she once debated having an abortion ... but didn't go through with it. If you're going through with the temptation to taste a turkey drumstick, you're not a vegetarian.

Being a vegetarian takes commitment. You need to suck it up and avoid some of the best restaurants in the country because there won't be a blessed thing for you to eat there. You need to learn to stick up for yourself when the other girls want lobster for girls' night out. After 13 years, I know to check the menu first, agree to the outing later.

You wouldn't find me at Morton's, but then again, I'm not a sometimes vegetarian. Because there is no such thing.


Image via Getty Images/Larry Busacca/Staff

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