Psst, hey, theme restaurateurs, when you play blaring music at your joint, are you trying to chase away anyone over 18 or are you actually trying to make your food taste bland?
Maybe you didn't get the memo, but a recent study shows that loud noise makes food taste less sweet and less salty. Then again, maybe you've already figured that out and that's why there's so much sodium in your food? I SAID, MAYBE YOU'VE ALREADY FIGURED THAT OUT -- oh never mind.
You know what? It's probably a good thing the music in here is so loud because now you can't hear me complaining about everything else. Someone please rescue me -- I'm experiencing theme restaurant torture ...
I've heard other folks complain about snooty waiters and slow service, but I'll take a slow dinner with a waiter who understands boundaries over the nightmare I usually encounter at theme restaurants any time.
Costumes -- I've seen costumed waitstaff at chain restaurants and at high-end restaurants. Do I look 6 years old to you? Why are we all pretending we're children at Disneyland? Where are the grownups? I want to eat with them.
Making us wear funny hats -- Only if I get a 30 percent discount on the final bill.
Squatting at the table and chatting like we're best friends -- We're not best friends. Please go away and send a professional in your place.
Krayzee menu item names -- See above re: costumes. Can't you just tell me what's in the dish?
Selling my child toys at our table -- I'm looking at you, Casa Bonita. I know we're already asking for it by coming here, but bringing the light-up space blaster over when we're all trapped at our table is a little predatory, don't you think?
Why do I keep going to the theme restaurants? Because. I have family. And they like the theme restaurants. How about you?
Image via Benimoto/Flickr