Some of my meat-loving friends have been passing around this video, which asks a provocative question: If I'm willing to cook a vegetarian meal when I have vegetarian friends over for dinner, shouldn't they return the favor and cook meat the next time they have me over?
I mean, I know it's a dead animal and all, but come on. Why do you always have to claim the moral high ground like that? Look, I'll make it easy for you -- 10 painless ways to feed your friends meat.
Okay, so you're morally opposed to meat, or you think dealing with meat is icky. Don't feel alone -- plenty of meat eaters don't really know what to do with meat other than chicken breasts and ground beef. I'm here to make it easy for you to cater to my wicked, bloodthirsty ways. It's super simple!
1. Pick up a rotisserie chicken from a fancy market. Tell me you roasted it yourself. I'll be too grateful to question you. (Hint, put it in the oven on low heat so the smell infuses your home.)
2. Buy meatballs from an Italian specialty store and throw them over my portion of spaghetti.
3. Two words: steak tartare. You don't have to cook it! Just ask the butcher to grind it for you. Only, please, unless you really do resent me that much, go to a reputable butcher and keep it cold in the refrigerator.
4. For that matter, hack some raw tuna into a few pieces and present it to me as sushi. I promise to act impressed even if you make a mess.
5. Go with a wilderness hike theme and serve beef jerky along with Cliff Bars and water-filled canteens.
6. If it's extremely hot outside, throw some foil up on your roof and lay some bacon on it. Return in two hours.
7. Escargot counts. Did you know you can buy them canned? Just open, dump, and serve with melted garlic butter. You like melted garlic butter, yes?
8. Roll some ham or turkey cold cuts around carrot sticks.
9. Fill a fondue pot with hot oil and let me spear and deep fry my own ... whatever.
10. Hot dogs. You do tofu, I'll have beef. Just don't get them mixed up on the grill.
P.S.: I've tried Tofurky, Quorn, and Boca Burgers and no, they don't even come close to the real thing. Also, I don't want to eat your cat.
Your least demanding and most gracious guest ever!
Image via Conanil/Flickr