POSTS WITH TAG: true blood

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    Spoiler alert (sort of): True Blood hottie Joe Manganiello broke our hearts this week. No, not because of what happened to him on this week's episode -- and I'm not giving it away, I promise -- but because he is dating an actress who is perfect for him. This is a woman who is the epitome of the modern, funny, sexy actress. She is beyond gorgeous but simply too charismatic and down to earth to hate (as much as we'd like to).

    Honestly, Angelina and Brad need to move over a foot because Joe and his new super-famous girlfriend are the hottest couple you've seen since ... well, Angie and Brad.

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    The final season of HBO's mega-hit drama True Blood is about to hit the airwaves, so you know what that means -- another super sexy magazine cover with the stars to promote it.

    Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin graced the cover of Entertainment Weekly for the June 27 issues, snuggled together in a coffin. Oh yeah -- and she's completely naked.

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    I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am forever confused by how certain subjects get turned into musicals. The last Broadway-bound adaptation I read about was a potential hot mess based on Kurt Cobain's life (despite Courtney Love's repeated statements that she was opposed to "any commercial exploitation of his legacy," she's now on board with a story "that reflects Kurt in the most respectful but honest way possible" -- in other words, SHOW ME THE MONEY!), and the latest WTF news from the singing/dancing front this: True Blood: The Musical.

    Yes. A True Blood musical, brought to life by the composer who has written instrumental scores for the series' entire seven seasons. Whaaaaaaaaaat.

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    Devoted fans of the show are certainly going to miss it, but I think the rest of us can agree that True Blood has run its course. With new, amazing shows like Game of Thrones and True Detective to focus on, HBO has made what was probably a very difficult decision by making season 7 the very last for True Blood. Fans who have tuned in since season 1 (raises hand) are hoping that the show will go out with a bang.

    Now that a new season 7 trailer has been released, it seems like all hell has broken loose and everyone's losing their damn minds. Quite a fitting end, and it's easy to suspect that we'll lose a few fan favorites on the way. No matter what happens or how it ends, Truebies will tune in until the very last episode. The premiere should air some time in June, meaning we've got all summer to get our very last fill of Sookie, Eric, and Bill!

    Some spoilers ahead if you have yet to see season 6!

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    I know, I know. Just because you get two hot people in a room together doesn't guarantee they're going to hit it off, get married, and make beautiful babies. To think so is just shallow. Extremely immature. Totally the antithesis of what Lena Dunham would think. 

    Consider me a 5-year-old today. When I found out who was just cast as True Blood hottie Alexander Skarsgard's co-star in the upcoming 3D Tarzan movie, I just shook my head and thought, Of course these two are going to hook up. And it's going to be a major hook-up. The kind of hook-up that makes women and men wish a sex tape would leak starring the two. Hell, if I were one of them, I'd pay someone to "accidentally" steal a sex video from one of our computers -- I mean, cha-ching! So, it's been revealed that the woman who will play Jane to Alexander's Tarzan is ... Margot Robbie!

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    Let's discuss Alexander Skarsgard. Let's first take a minute to catch our collective breath because we are about to talk about Alexander Skarsgard and just the mention of his name and the way it rolls off the tongue is like swallowing 22 dozen butterflies. Open mouths. Let those butterflies flutter out. Anticipation. Whisper now ... Alexander Skarsgard. Sigh.

    The ever-so insanely gorgeous man who plays Eric Northman has me dreaming of his every sex scene, his every removal of clothes, his perfectly chiseled body ... I lost my train of thought. Oh yes, Alexander has managed to defy all odds, not that I would expect anything less, and has shown himself -- all of his 6-foot, 4-inch Swedish amazingness -- whilst sitting on a toilet outdoors at the South Pole in -30C degree weather (-22F for the rest of us). Yes. Yes. Behold the hottest potty porn your eyes will ever see!

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    As much as I love Anna Paquin as True Blood's Sookie Stackhouse, it's sometimes easy to forget, while she's slaying and bedding hot vamps left and right, that she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress at age 11. In other words, she is one hell of a talented movie star, as well as a TV starlet. Well, sorry to break the news for all of you Paquin fans, but Stephen Moyer's gorgeous wife will not be reprising her role as Rogue in X-Men: Days of Future Past. I mean, if you want to get all technical about it, she actually was written into the script, shot her scene, and therefore reprised her role. But this is Hollywood, where nothing is ever set in stone -- Academy Award or not -- and, well, Anna's scene ended up on the cutting room floor. And darn it, Anna deserves better.

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    Hey, wanna hear a joke? Here goes: Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Harry walk into a bar in Antarctica. Alexander Skarsgard says, "Hey man, can we get a couple of beers?" Then the bartender says, "No way, you guys stink! You hear me, you smell like you've been trudging across the frozen tundra for two weeks straight without a shower! Get the hell outta here!" 

    HAHAHA! Funny, right? Cause who in their right mind would kick Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Harry out of a bar because they smelled bad?!

    Well, some bartender in Antarctica, apparently. That's right -- the joke I just told you wasn't a joke at all, unless you're talking about some sick cosmic prank targeting ridiculously hot famous guys.

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    Hey, True Blood fans! (Or Truebies, or whatever you want to call yourselves.) It's time to play everybody's favorite game, "Where in the World Is Alexander Skarsgard?" (Hopefully you just read that to the tune of Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? If not, please go back and re-read.) Okay, so, anyway, this isn't going to be much of a game, actually, cause I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you where he is: The South Pole. THE SOUTH FRICKEN' POLE!! Or he's on his way there, at least. Technically he's in Anarctica at the moment. What is he doing there, you ask? Sitting naked in a patio chair reading a book, about to burst into flame, you hope? Nope. He's trekking across the frozen tundra with Prince Harry and The Wire's Dominic West

    And now you're really confused.

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    Remember that high school production of The Sound of Music you saw like 25 years ago? The one where you started squirming in your seat about a quarter of a way through the first act, grimacing at the way that tall kid from algebra class sang like a tone-deaf robot and wondering what the hell kind of accent the girl playing Maria was going for, exactly (Austrian? British? Maybe even Jamaican!)? 

    Well, it pains me to say this, but that two-bit amateur play was better than The Sound of Music Live! on NBC. It pains me to say this, too, but Carrie Underwood might just be a way, way worse actress than that teenaged Maria with the fake Jamaican accent. And as for that tone-deaf robot ...

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