POSTS WITH TAG: true blood

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    I know, I know. Just because you get two hot people in a room together doesn't guarantee they're going to hit it off, get married, and make beautiful babies. To think so is just shallow. Extremely immature. Totally the antithesis of what Lena Dunham would think. 

    Consider me a 5-year-old today. When I found out who was just cast as True Blood hottie Alexander Skarsgard's co-star in the upcoming 3D Tarzan movie, I just shook my head and thought, Of course these two are going to hook up. And it's going to be a major hook-up. The kind of hook-up that makes women and men wish a sex tape would leak starring the two. Hell, if I were one of them, I'd pay someone to "accidentally" steal a sex video from one of our computers -- I mean, cha-ching! So, it's been revealed that the woman who will play Jane to Alexander's Tarzan is ... Margot Robbie!

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    Let's discuss Alexander Skarsgard. Let's first take a minute to catch our collective breath because we are about to talk about Alexander Skarsgard and just the mention of his name and the way it rolls off the tongue is like swallowing 22 dozen butterflies. Open mouths. Let those butterflies flutter out. Anticipation. Whisper now ... Alexander Skarsgard. Sigh.

    The ever-so insanely gorgeous man who plays Eric Northman has me dreaming of his every sex scene, his every removal of clothes, his perfectly chiseled body ... I lost my train of thought. Oh yes, Alexander has managed to defy all odds, not that I would expect anything less, and has shown himself -- all of his 6-foot, 4-inch Swedish amazingness -- whilst sitting on a toilet outdoors at the South Pole in -30C degree weather (-22F for the rest of us). Yes. Yes. Behold the hottest potty porn your eyes will ever see!

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    As much as I love Anna Paquin as True Blood's Sookie Stackhouse, it's sometimes easy to forget, while she's slaying and bedding hot vamps left and right, that she won an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress at age 11. In other words, she is one hell of a talented movie star, as well as a TV starlet. Well, sorry to break the news for all of you Paquin fans, but Stephen Moyer's gorgeous wife will not be reprising her role as Rogue in X-Men: Days of Future Past. I mean, if you want to get all technical about it, she actually was written into the script, shot her scene, and therefore reprised her role. But this is Hollywood, where nothing is ever set in stone -- Academy Award or not -- and, well, Anna's scene ended up on the cutting room floor. And darn it, Anna deserves better.

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    Hey, wanna hear a joke? Here goes: Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Harry walk into a bar in Antarctica. Alexander Skarsgard says, "Hey man, can we get a couple of beers?" Then the bartender says, "No way, you guys stink! You hear me, you smell like you've been trudging across the frozen tundra for two weeks straight without a shower! Get the hell outta here!" 

    HAHAHA! Funny, right? Cause who in their right mind would kick Alexander Skarsgard and Prince Harry out of a bar because they smelled bad?!

    Well, some bartender in Antarctica, apparently. That's right -- the joke I just told you wasn't a joke at all, unless you're talking about some sick cosmic prank targeting ridiculously hot famous guys.

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    Hey, True Blood fans! (Or Truebies, or whatever you want to call yourselves.) It's time to play everybody's favorite game, "Where in the World Is Alexander Skarsgard?" (Hopefully you just read that to the tune of Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? If not, please go back and re-read.) Okay, so, anyway, this isn't going to be much of a game, actually, cause I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you where he is: The South Pole. THE SOUTH FRICKEN' POLE!! Or he's on his way there, at least. Technically he's in Anarctica at the moment. What is he doing there, you ask? Sitting naked in a patio chair reading a book, about to burst into flame, you hope? Nope. He's trekking across the frozen tundra with Prince Harry and The Wire's Dominic West

    And now you're really confused.

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    Remember that high school production of The Sound of Music you saw like 25 years ago? The one where you started squirming in your seat about a quarter of a way through the first act, grimacing at the way that tall kid from algebra class sang like a tone-deaf robot and wondering what the hell kind of accent the girl playing Maria was going for, exactly (Austrian? British? Maybe even Jamaican!)? 

    Well, it pains me to say this, but that two-bit amateur play was better than The Sound of Music Live! on NBC. It pains me to say this, too, but Carrie Underwood might just be a way, way worse actress than that teenaged Maria with the fake Jamaican accent. And as for that tone-deaf robot ...

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    As if you weren't already ridiculously excited for the (still months away) premiere of True Blood season 7! Stephen Moyer, a.k.a. Bill Compton, recently spilled some pretty HOT beans about one of his -- and Alexander Skarsgard's -- fondest wishes for the series: A sex scene between Bill and Eric Northman. And you thought that full frontal in the snow scene was steamy!! (Ha! Get it?? Steamy?! Sorry, couldn't stop myself.) 

    That's right: According to Moyer, both he and Skarsgard (who happens to be notoriously comfortable with all types of nudity/sexuality) have been trying to convince top True Blood brass that a little male vamp on male vamp action is exactly what bloodthirsty Trubies want and need in their lives ... but the idea has been a tough sell, thus far:

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    Well, we're still approximately seven months away from the premiere of True Blood season 7, and while that's ENTIRELY TOO MANY MONTHS, at least -- at least!! -- the spoilers have started rolling in. Thank you, TV gods, for giving us a reason to get up in the morning again!! Seriously, a life without half-naked Alexander Skarsgard on a weekly basis is no kind of life at all. And -- are you sitting down??!! -- according to the very best spoiler of all time, it sounds like Skarsgard's character, Eric Northman, is NOT dead (I KNEW IT!). WOO-HOO!!! And not only is Eric going to be ALIVE, he's -- oops! I almost spilled the beans! If you want to know what's on the horizon for Eric Northman (not to mention Bill, Sookie, Alcide, Pam, Lafayette, and the rest), you'll just have to scroll down to our amazing, life-changing list of True Blood season 7 spoilers!! 

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    In these uncertain times, there are only so many irrefutable facts we can all agree are ... um, irrefutable. Like, the sky is blue, rain is wet, and Alexander Skarsgard has his pick of women. Riiight?? I mean, I think it's safe to say there aren't too many ladies out there who'd actually turn the dude down. So now that we've established Skarsgard's IRREFUTABLE power of unlimited choice, let's take a look at who's lining up in the hopes of being chosen right now: Taylor Swift and Katie Holmes. And no, I'm not just throwing those names out there because those two women happen to be filming a movie in South Africa with him right now (The Giver); there are actual bonafide rumors (in Star magazine, fine, but still) that Holmes and Swift are "fighting over" Skarsgard, and who the hell can blame them??

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    You know what I've never understood about people who get caught up in crazy cults? The person they drop everything in their lives to follow is usually incredibly creepy. What's the appeal?? Sure, I get that there's usually brainwashing and sometimes drug-laced beverages involved, but still. Now, if someone like, say, Alexander Skarsgard happened to be leading a cult, that would be a hot Swedish horse of a different color. 

    Which is why it made perfect sense for Australian band Cut Copy to cast Skarsgard as a Messiah-type figure in the video for their new single, "Free Your Mind." Skarsgard's cult leader is not your typical skeevy wild-eyed psycho -- oh, no. Sexy wild-haired psycho is more like it.

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