Emily Maynard may be the sweet-as-pie Southern belle with the heartbreaking back-story, but that's not what makes this season of the Bachelorette the best ever. (In all honesty, she's a bit on the dull side and it's off-putting the way her face doesn't move when she talks.)

The reason the ABC lovefest is a must-watch this time around? Somehow the producers have managed to corral the cheesiest guys on the face of the planet. The result? The most ridiculous pickup lines in the show's history. Who knew finding love could be both cringe-worthy and comic gold at the same time. Let's revisit some of the best.

Alright, here goes nothing. I have made an official goal for myself to actually follow this season of The Bachelorette all the way through. Maybe it's because I actually like Emily Maynard (why, I'm not so sure), or perhaps it's because who wouldn't enjoy a specific period of time every week to gawk at hunky men.

Either way, last night's premiere was full of a few gems ("Wolf," anyone?). Yeah yeah, there were loads of wackadoodle guys to capture our attention -- but one thing I couldn't stop gawking over: Emily's dress.

Did I like the Jean Fares design? Yeah ... I guess. But you've got to admit, this was a poor woman's attempt at a Beyonce nude showstopper. Am I right?

Raise your hand if you watched The Bachelorette last night. Now keep them up if you thought it was possibly the most boring episode in the entire history of the 17-season long series. Great. Yes. I'm talking to you people still stretching your palms high in the air with that confounded look on your face. We all thought that Emily Maynard's season would be fantastic, that she'd draw us in like ugly moths to America's most beautiful flame, but no. It was nothing like that, was it. It was tediously cloying and desperately monotonous. I mean, if I have to hear the phrases, "aw, thank you so much" or "welcome to Charlotte" one more time, I might light my legs on fire just to feel alive, because, basically, I was bored to death.

And here's why.

Emily Maynard's season of The Bachelorette has finally begun! I am not sure there has ever been a more highly anticipated debut in Bachelor history. Never was this more clear than in the beginning of the episode when every single one of her potential suitors spent the first 20 minutes drooling over the lovely Miss Maynard.

She is adorable and sweet and reserved. She is a mom of one beautiful little girl named Ricki. Who can blame the guys for being into her? But seriously, it is too much.

Since we all know how these Bachelor tales end, there is nothing to do but pity the 26-year-old with a daughter and 25 crazy men who have already fallen for her. Here are 10 reasons to pity Emily this season:

I've waited and waited, and the day has finally arrived -- The Bachelorette is officially returning to satisfy my reality TV obsession and giving me a huge reason to look forward to Mondays again. (Hallelujah.) And I've gotta admit, while I get pretty fired up for the premiere of The Bachelor or Bachelorette every season, this time I'm really excited, because Emily Maynard is going to change the cheese factor of the show once and for all.

Instead of rolling our eyes at a bunch of frat daddies trying to see who can make out with Emily first, Chris Harrison hints that we'll actually get to watch guys being old fashioned and trying to court her (what a concept), and hopefully a lot of the useless drama will be gone from the show. Wow. A Bachelorette that actually seems believable and worth watching from night one? Yes, please!

Everyone take a step forward if you think that The Bachelor is more about finding fame than about "finding love." Not so fast, Jesse Csincsac. The season four winner apparently is the only one left on the planet who buys into the lie that the ABC reality show is truly about finding a husband or a wife. He told Celebuzz that all the guys should "run as far as they can" from the new Bachelorette Emily Maynard because she's only in it for the money, and isn't in it for the looooooove.

Jesse. My man. Do you honestly think that people really go on a trashy reality show to meet their soul mate? Dude.

Now that Ben Flajnik's journey as The Bachelor is over, he must be getting a little bit nervous about falling completely off the radar. And while he's probably relieved that the hype surrounding his controversial engagement to Courtney Robertson has died down, it's highly unlikely that he's ready to take himself out of the spotlight for good. The whole fame thing can be kind of addicting, you know.

Lucky for Ben, it looks like he made the guest list for a super exciting reality-TV-star-studded event -- Ashley Hebert & J.P. Rosenbaum's wedding. And if he knows what's good for him as far as keeping his 15 minutes of fame going, he'll RSVP a big fat "yes" for sure. (Duh. Declining the invite will make him look like a heartbroken loser -- which he so isn't.)

Not that anyone asked, but Lauren Conrad of The Hills has no interest in ever being The Bachelorette. OK, then. According to Wet Paint, a friend posed this theoretical question during a game and she said: "No! Why would I date on TV again?"

Why, indeed? But hey, why EVER do it?! If you start, don't stop now! It's too bad, really.

I never got to know good old LC all that well when she was on Laguna Beach or The Hills, but as an avid Bachelor fan, I DO like the idea of famous people being on the show instead of weird contestants pulled from the real world. Wouldn't it make it more intriguing?