Up until recently, this mama was a porn virgin. Oh, I'd see that soft-core "for women" porn with the costumes and the plots on late-night cable. But never the real deal. Because why would I? Everyone says it's terrible and soul-sucking. And besides, that stuff is made for guys, not for "nice ladies" like me. Certainly not for moms! We get 50 Shades instead. (Still haven't read it, probably never will.)
But then Farrah Abraham came along with her sex tape and my editor asked me to "review" it. Get paid to watch porn? IS THIS MY LIFE?!? Lucky me -- I am the envy of every straight 13-year-old boy. I knew I would need therapy after. I knew it would ruin my lunch. I knew I would hate it. And yet, I could not resist. I said yes, yes, YES! I mean, I said okay.