Hold on to your hats, Americans! Prince Harry will be hopping across the pond to our fair nation in a few weeks for his second U.S. tour in the past year. ZOMG.

Come May, the Spare (Spare) to the Heir will be making stops in Colorado for the Warrior Games for wounded serviceman; New Jersey to visit Hurricane Sandy victims; Connecticut to play in a polo match; and NYC for a fundraising party. To ensure the trip goes as swimmingly and un-Vegas-y as possible, the royal family enlisted Kate Middleton to coach Harry on what to do/how to interact with the crowd.

She hasn't even been a Duchess for two years, but Katie has this stuff down. Here's what she instructed Harry to do.

Pippa Middleton, sister of some woman named Kate, is apparently shopping for rings -- her own engagement ring, to be exact. Pips was recently spotted window shopping at Cartier in Switzerland with her boyfriend of a little over two months, Nico Jackson, and while they didn't buy anything, Pippa reportedly "let Nico in on the kinds of rings she likes."

Picking out your own engagement ring, huh, Pippa? While I'm not totally against it, there's a mighty fine line to be walked with that one.

The level of excitement a good majority of us are feeling over Kate Middleton's pregnancy is borderline creepy at times, but after hearing that Kate is feeling her baby kicking -- it's pretty tough not to get up and cheer and do a happy dance.

The Duchess of Cambridge happily chatted with fans at the National Fishing Heritage Centre in Grimsby, England, today. When asked about whether or not her little Royal baby-to-be is kicking, she said, "Yes, it is. Very much so." ("It," huh? Darn. Looks like she's not planning on letting the sex of the baby slip out anytime soon.)

It's unconscionable, but I guess enough time has passed since the paparazzi-driven tragedy that was Princess Diana's life and death that the tabloids just don't care how nasty and ridiculous they get with the stories about Kate Middleton. The latest is that the Queen's hospital stay -- attributed to a bout of gastroenteritis -- was actually an orchestrated palace PR stunt aimed at setting Kate and Wills up for a split. Rrrrright.

But okay, let's attempt to consider the logic (ha) behind the buzz. Apparently, the timing of the Queen's stay in the hospital was arranged just as Kate was on "yet another holiday." And this, in turn, makes "Kate look like a dolittle spoiled brat who work as little as possible in her role as a royal." In short, "Kate’s being set up to fall ... and that can only lead to a divorce." Uh-huh, suuuuure.

Is there anything Kate Middleton CAN'T do? The stunning pregger looked adorable attending the snowy Swiss wedding of her friend Mark Tomlinson, who married Olympic equestrian Laura Bechtolsheimer yesterday.

Her thick cream coat was accentuated with brown fur trim and beneath it she wore a Max Mara we have seen before. She also wore heels and, according to People, was walking very carefully in them while also clutching her "baby bump," a pose that is becoming more familiar to us all.

Since the pregnant Duchess of Cambridge revealed her pregnancy, she has been mostly not seen (largely because the poor woman was so sick), but now that she is back in the public eye, she has been seen more with that familiar pregnant lady stance -- hands on belly. In her case, though, it's for a different reason.

Pippa and James MiddletonKate Middleton's brother, James, is in a bit of a pickle, royal fan friends. Not only did his business, Nice Group, which sells custom cakes, breads, and confectioneries, lose about $26,000 last year, but also, he owes creditors around $50,000. Bullocks. James, not being able to foot the bill on his lonesome, did what most people with millionaire parents would do: He asked mum and dad for money.

Big deal, right? Kids with loaded parents ask for money all the time. Especially when it's to help their faltering business. But, for devil's advocate's sake here, it needs to be mentioned that lots of kids aren't the sibling of a future queen. And, also, lots of kids don't have (kind of hot) naked photo scandals like James.

Poor Kate Middleton. She's married to such a loser. Imagine waking up every morning, having to look at this? Ugh, poor thing. And you know Prince William's going to be a dead beat dad. I honestly don't know how she does it.

I kid. Friends -- I so kid. Prince William is the g.d. stuff romance novel dreams are made of. Literally. Dude just swooped in on a helicopter and rescued two hikers who were stranded in a place called Snowdonia. Seriously. Prince. Rescue. Land of Snowdonia. Slap me silly and call me Sally if you don't see this novel at CVS in a few months. Possible title: His Majesty's Forbidden Love?

Ok, so this probably (maybe) isn't anywhere close to being true, but we're going to go ahead and entertain the thought anyway, m'kay?

Wait for it -- Kate Middleton may be forced to live with Cressida Bonas, Prince Harry's new girlfriend, at Kensington Palace. Here's how the roommate deal will supposedly go down. When Prince William and Kate move into their new, lavish apartment at the Palace, Prince Harry will turn their old digs into a "love nest" of sorts for him and Cressida and they can all reside together in a compound as one big, happy family.

Or not.