Weren't you looking forward to hearing about how much hand-holding and special moment-sharing Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson did together on his birthday? Well forget it. Those two did not cooperate with our wishes. Instead, it looks like Kristen and Rob got into a big, fat fight -- maybe because Rob got drunk as a skunk.

Here Kristen had all these adorably sweet plans for Rob, but then they ended up spending the day apart. In fact, a photog/stalker supposedly caught Kristen looking "agitated and visibly upset," talking on the phone and pacing all over her friend's house. As for Rob, he was seen getting tanked the other night, so people who speculate for a living are speculating that she's mad at him for that. 

Here is why I need to make becoming friends with Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson a priority. Apparently Rob bought Kristen a karaoke machine a few weeks ago. Their very own karaoke machine! So they can have singing parties at Kristen's place without having to deal with those pesky fans always wanting to snap photos with them.

A source told The Sun, "They both absolutely love karaoke. They used to go to bars whenever they could, but more often than not they’d get hassled by people. So Rob surprised Kristen with their own machine. It’s top-of-the-range stuff with built in disco lights, a huge screen, and even its own mini stage." OMG! Count me in, you guys. I even have a playlist for you. Here are 30 songs Rob and Kristen's karaoke machine definitely needs.

What kind of birthday present do you get the eternal vampire boyfriend-who-has-everything? That's a tough question for Kristen Stewart, especially since Robert Pattinson is such an unconventional guy. I mean, this is the man who gave her a pen for her birthday. So she had to dig deep and think big. Well fans, she searched inside herself. And then the answer came to her: Astrology charts for RPatz! But of course.

One of Kristen's friends spilled to HollywoodLife.com, "“Kristen is super excited to totally spoil Rob on his birthday this Monday. She is getting his charts done — his astrological charts from a really cool numerologist." Ah, the gift of self knowledge. Very wise choice, Kristen. Very wise choice. But are you really ready to let Robert plumb the depths of his soul?

If my significant other got me a table for my birthday, I'd probably get super drunk, too. Robert Pattinson, who turned 27 on Monday, celebrated with friends at the Los Feliz, California home he shares with girlfriend Kristen Stewart. Apparently, KStew was really excited about showering her pale vampire with love and affection during a day at home and an evening out on the town. The festivities were kept hidden from RPattz -- Kristen wanted to make sure he was thoroughly surprised with what she had up her sleeve.

This time last year, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were headed to Cannes for a romantic-albeit-working trip. But we all know no matter how blissful the Twilight lovebirds looked at the annual film fest, scandal was about to erupt later that summer! Womp womp. After everything they've been through, they're going to do it right and that means doing it UP this year. As in, sources tell The Sun Robsten's going to stay in a sweet suite at the luxe, French Riviera-facing Hotel du Cap that runs $7K a night!

In addition to enjoying their royal accommodations and working the festival, "they have their eye on doing a tour of the local museums, like the Picasso one in Antibes, and Renoir’s house," the insider says. But that's not all. From there, they'll go onto Provence, the French countryside, to visit vineyards and "camp in the grounds of these massive chateaus." Apparently, these plans stemmed from the couple deciding "they need some 'normal living'." Ha!

Today is a very special day. Do you know why? Because it's Robert Pattinson's 27th birthday, everybody! The Stir's favorite Taurus has had one hell of a year. Poor Rob's heart was smashed to bits, he had to swim through a crazy scandal, then he trotted all over the globe for the Breaking Dawn 2 premieres, shaved his head, and worked in the Australian desert for two months. No wonder he always looked so glum! Here are Rob's gloomiest moments of the year -- hope this year gives him more to smile about.

Sexting with Katy Perry, obviouslyMan, the rumors about Robert Pattinson and Katy Perry dating each other won't let up! It's like the universe is telling these two to hook up -- even though Rob and Kristen Stewart haven't officially (i.e. via publicist statement) broken up. Why is that? It doesn't even make sense -- Katy is a friend to both Rob and Kristen. The three of them have been seen all together several times. And Katy's people say the rumor that she and Rob are hooking up is "pathetic."

(Wait, pathetic as in we would pity one of them if it happened? Or do they mean Katy would date Rob only out of pity? Or -- oh never mind.)

So FINE, we got the memo. Katy and Rob are not an item. But maybe they should be? I mean, in the TOTALLY UNLIKELY (wink) event that Rob and Kristen break up, Katy would make the perfect rebound girlfriend.

It's just been a few short weeks since Robert Pattinson returned from filming The Rover in Australia. But Twi-hards are still panting over one important question: When are Kristen Stewart and Rob moving in together? Apparently the answer is, not until they smooth out their trust issues. Sources say the couple have looked at a few properties in Malibu. But Rob isn't in a hurry to pack up his things and move just yet.

The source told Look magazine, "I think they now need to take things slow and possibly get some counselling before moving forward again." Kristen is reportedly frustrated and sad, but understands her boyfriend needs time. But will they take their friend's advice and get counseling?