POSTS WITH TAG: recaps

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    You know who looked totally stunning on the second installment of The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion? Shannon Beador. She's got every reason to be glowing, as she revealed to both Andy Cohen and all of us at home watching this episode while using the cheap stair-stepper they force themselves to employ during reality television binges....no, just me? Moving on. Vicki Gunvalson may have been the voice of wisdom this season, but it was Shannon whose life was actually changed for the better by the show. I know! Reality television saved a marriage! Say it with me now -- Jigga what?

    Shannon was as open and honest during the reunion as she was this season on the show. She'd previously mentioned that David Beador's early to bed, early to rise sleep schedule really kept them from connecting. Some of the women thought she was actually TOO open to which I say this: Tamra Judge you bought a robot baby. *Drops mic, bows, leaves stage.*

     

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    Now, as I said last night, I LOVE Rich Kids of Beverly Hills stars Morgan Stewart and her BF Brendan Fitzpatrick. I want to sip chardonnay with Morgs and let Brendan talk me into buying a piece of luxury real estate that I cannot afford (It will be like a modern-day Guy de Maupassant story! #tragic #french #moneycantbuyyouclass). So imagine my despair tonight as Brendan totally missed the mark when it came to listening to his girlfriend. 

    Morgan and Brendan wound up babysitting for Brendan's #adorable niece. (Note: I will try to keep this post light on the hastags, but I make no promise and for this I #blametheshow.) Morgan had a great time, but when she talked about motherhood with her own mother, Susan Stewart, she got a severe case of cold feet. She took her concerns to Brendan who misread her utterly. 

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    One thing is for certain: Kim Kardashian had more patience as a bride than I ever would. We're talking some serious Zen. I couldn't do it. I mean, not even if a lot of wine and some manner of prescription sedative were factored into the equation. On the season finale of Keeping Up With The Kardashians Kim kept her cool throughout her bananas-wedding spectacular. Between Bruce Jenner refusing to lob off his ponytail, Kylie Jenner's blue hair, and Khloe Kardashian's hangover I would have gone full-on Bridezilla three minutes into the day -- but not Kim! 

    Evidence as to why she should maybe be sainted: She cheerfully procured a new set of designer bridesmaid gowns the DAY BEFORE HER WEDDING when she learned her 'maids weren't feelin' the previously selected gown. Girl, I cannot even. If Kim had the ability to shoot lasers from her eyes, I feel that gift would have been shared on this very special episode. Thankfully, (or sadly, depending on your POV) this did not occur. 

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    Ugh, sometimes I cannot accept how perfect I find Morgan Stewart to be. This week on The Rich Kids of Beverly Hills she reminded me yet again of her awesomeness by being basically the best girlfriend ever born. I was so resentful of this that I Googled "Morgan Stewart fat". Alas, the results were just photos of her in bikinis looking fabulous and probably saying witty things. I want her to write a book so that I can make a big deal about not buying it and then secretly buy it anyway because I'm duplicitous and scandalous like that.

    This week Morgan's adorable (and equally hilarious) boyfriend Brendan Fitzpatrick was celebrating his birthday. Unfortunately there wasn't enough Moet in the world to put him in good spirits (do rich people drink Moet? No? It's Veuve isn't it? #podontknow). He was feeling really down about his looks. To be specific, he was feeling embarrassed about his receding hairline. Morgan tackled this issue with classic aplomb and humor.

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    Tonight, those of us who keep up with the Kardashians were rewarded. The entire clan was making ready to journey forth into Paris for the grand union of the celestial being known to us as Kimye. I kind of wish they had hired their own ancient mahogany seafaring vessel to ferry them across the ocean. I also wish that said imaginary vessel had been helmed by Norsemen, but, my desires are neither here nor there. Even a crew of men who looked like they'd maybe escaped the pages of Beowulf couldn't have distracted attention away from Kourtney Kardashian's big announcement -- she's pregnant! Yup, baby number three was announced tonight!

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    Besides the fact that it airs at noon on Sundays, when no one is watching television, that is ... Seriously, folks, why aren't more of us watching The Real Housewives of Melbourne? It's head and shoulders better than Ladies of London, which got a prime time slot. In today's exclusive video below, I cover episodes 4 and 5, and if you haven't heard, the franchise has been renewed for a second season, so you should get into it now.

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    You had to see it to believe it. Finally, for Married at First Sight viewers, a little insight to what makes Vaughn Copeland and Monet Bell tick. Is it too late to save their marriage? In today's exclusive episode below, I discuss whom I think will stay together and whether any couples will divorce ... as well as how the television aspect comes into play and how that alone may affect the outcome. Also today, part 1 of the season 9 Real Housewives of Orange County reunion. Hoo boy!

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    Tonight on Below Deck, the truth was revealed! And by 'truth' I mean 'things we all knew were true but reserve the right to be furious about anyway.' Andrew Sturby admitted to Captain Lee that he lied on his resume. It turns out the dude has ZERO BOAT EXPERIENCE. The entire at-home viewing audience bellowed "DUH" at this revelation. Clearly Andrew is incompetent and has been from day one.

    The real shock of the episode came when Captain "Plane Ticket Home" Lee ... didn't send Andrew home! He let the dude stay on! His punishment? He had to share the truth of his lies (True Lies, good movie, maybe Andrew should remake it -- no, never mind that is a terrible idea) with his fellow crewmates. LAME. LAME! That is not a punishment, it's just a surefire way to infuriate the people he works with, who already don't like him very much to begin with! 

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    It's only part one of The Real Housewives of Orange County reunion, and already things are heating up. Vicki Gunvalson totally admitted to having a crush on Shannon Beador's husband David Beador! Well, with those captivating blue eyes, who can blame her?! Still, this giddy school-girl moment was a rarity. For most of the episode, things were pretty damn tense. I kept staring at the screen yelling, "I'm nervous," as though this would make things easier to handle. It did not. 

    I wish we had spent more time this episode sharing fun reveals. Everyone on the couches tonight talked about David being a harmless flirt like it was common knowledge, when in fact it was anything but. I was all, "Whaaaaat?" It was kind of a delightful revelation to know that the mostly serious dude we'd been presented with has such a soft (and presumably sexy) other side to his personality. Nice job hooking that one, Shannon! 

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    "Are you just winging it, or do you have a plan here?" I have to wonder if Pam's question to Eric during the series finale of True Blood was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the kind of criticism the show has received in its crazier of crazy moments (hmm, Lilith?). In the end, though, show-runner Bill Buckner had a clear plan: To bring it all back to Sookie and Bill. And, well, if you watched this show for its outlandish characters, sex, and bloody action, this was not the finale for you. If you watched because you enjoyed Sookie and Bill's relationship --- and the way it served as a heterosexual metaphor for the gay rights movement -- then it was the romantic and melancholy ending you craved.

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