Okay, people: STOP the madness! I thought we were over the whole "burn Kristen Stewart at the stake" thing. Yes, she allegedly cheated on Robert Pattinson (still reeks of conspiracy theory to me), but she doesn't really deserve the dubious distinction of being voted the "Least Trusted Movie Star in America," does she?! Apparently quite a few people think she does, because Reader's Digest just released the results of their nationwide poll "100 Most Trusted People in America," and guess who came in dead last? Not Tom Hanks, who came in first -- of course. Not Sandra Bullock, who came in second -- yawn. Nope. According to the presumably perfect people who participated in this poll, Kristen Stewart is officially the least trustworthy famous person in all the land. Seriously?!

I have just two words for the moral highground dwellers who probably wouldn't leave their goldfish with KStew for the weekend ...

A few weeks ago, it was reported that Kristen Stewart desperately wanted Robert Pattinson to walk the red carpet with her at the 2013 Met Gala. A source was quoted as saying: "Kristen would love for Rob to attend the MET gala. She knows Rob isn't crazy about these types of events and having to dress up, but she has asked him." Aw. Sweet. But guess what? The event was last night, and no Robsten red carpet appearance as far as the naked eye could see. You know what that means, right?

So it looks like Robert Pattinson is 75 percent likely to be Kristen Stewart's date at the Met Ball. BUT WILL IT BE THEIR FAREWELL DATE?!? According to BlindGossip.com, Robert Pattinson signed a contract obligating him to make public appearances with Kristen as a couple. Yes, for Twilight publicity. Meanwhile, Rob's in New York, and has anyone noticed how close he is with Katy Perry? We've seen him and Kristen hang out with Katy together, most recently a Coachella. But then Rob and Katy saw a Daughters concert together, and over the weekend they had dinner together. OMG, is Katy Perry Rob's REAL girlfriend?!? Here's what Blind Gossip says about that contract.

I'm going to try really hard to write this without laughing. But. IN THE MOVIE VERSION OF HER LIFE (crap, it's so hard) Jenelle Evans would like Kristen Stewart to play her. Can't you see it? Next, on Lifetime: "F$%& You All Bitches: The Jenelle Evans Story," starring Kristen Stewart. She had it all -- a reality TV show, plastic surgery, rad tattoos, douchebag lovers, a Twitter account, oh yeah, and a kid. Where is that kid, anyway? I mean, this movie needs to happen, right?

Haha. Right. Oh, to be young and delusional enough to think your short life story warrants a major motion picture -- starring Kristen $20-million-per-picture Stewart. Man, I could use some of that hubris. Know what I mean? But hey, someone actually asked! So let's talk about it. What would Kristen Stewart have to do to prepare for this role?

We've seen it happen before, and here he is doing it again. Good ol' Robert Pattinson was spotted out here in New York City last night on a date of sorts, and it was NOT with Kristen Stewart. According to Hollywood Life, Rob was out with a mystery blonde having dinner downtown. He and the lady appeared to be "old-time friends," with lots to talk about. Innnnteresting.

OK, so I'll be real -- I don't think this little dinner is anything to worry about for the Robsten fans. I mean, everything appeared friendly, and for those of you keeping track at home, Kristen is arriving in NYC today to go with Rob to the Met Gala (!!!).

And besides, if everything is going well for the two Twilight lovers -- then Kristen needs to be OK with this sort of thing. And vice versa, of course.

Remember when Kristen Stewart was spotted getting in a car with a man who looked just like Rupert Sanders? Except it wasn't Rupert because why would she do that, and they all lived happily ever after. Well, there's a shocking rumor about how Robert Pattinson responded to that little incident. He marched right back to LA from New York with his mad face, and he sat that little lady down, and he gave KStew a lie detector test!

As a joke, people, as a joke. Apparently it was just a silly prank Robert played on Kristen. Haha! No harm done. And that's all we know! We don't know how she reacted, or how serious he was about it.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson seem to be as happy as clams right now, with the exception of one irksome thing plaguing their relationship: KStew's mom! Or so says Ok! magazine, which reports the two have been living together -- with Jules while she's in the middle of a divorce from Kristen's dad, John Stewart. Wow. And apparently, Jules is always around and they have no privacy. HA. What. A. Bummer.

And surprise, surprise -- clearly, this has taken a toll on their sex life. A source claims, "It has all but killed their love life. Neither Kristen nor Rob has any libido when Jules is around.” And as if that wasn't bad enough ...

Forget everything you're hearing right now about neon pink floral spring trends. Know what's hot? Schlumpy unwashed jeans and t-shirts, apparently. Kristen Stewart won Best Dressed Woman in Glamour magazine's reader poll! For the second year in a row, might I add. They love her "personal rock-chick style," natch.

Emma Watson was the runnerup, and Kate Middleton was a perplexing third place. And no, today is not opposite day. I know what you're thinking -- "Why don't I get this much attention from wearing Converse sneakers and stained hoodies?" Because your personal rock-chick style is missing some inexplicable magic, i.e. Twilight pixie dust. But hey, Kristen cleans up well for red carpet events, too, when she wants to. Let's remember some of her best ensembles or, um, whatever you call 'em.