If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Katy Perry is a godless heathen. I knew it the minute I read that she asked the good Lord for a giant pair of titties. "God," she prayed, and keep in mind I'm quoting her sinful words directly, "Will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?" And you know who answered that prayer? SATAN. Because good girls don't ask for extra-large dirtypillows, and that's a fact.
Thankfully, folks have finally come around to my point of view, which is that Katy Perry worships the dark arts through her disrespectful, sacrilegious music. Particularly her song "Dark Horse," which not only contains soul-tarnishing lyrics, its accompanying video is clearly, as the well-deserved Change.org petition puts it, "Highly controversial to its viewers as a result of its portrayal of blasphemy."