The Academy Award nominations were announced this week, and if you're into this sort of thing you've already quietly picked out who you think will win, who you wish would win but probably won't, and who you are so indifferent to that you wouldn't see their movie unless it was being shown on an airplane, you were straight-jacketed into your seat, and the dialog was blasting over the intercom system. (On a personal note, that's how I finally saw Seabiscuit. It's really hard to blow your nose without using your hands!)

I love only two awards shows, the Oscars and the Golden Globes. I can't really explain why I care so much about celebrities two days a year, but do you know how much fun I had live-Tweeting the Golden Globes this year? I am holding my arms far apart enough to hug a giant panda, THAT is how much fun I had. (Giant pandas are mean. I risked my life to Tweet about Madonna's neckline.)

Chinese astrology, like Western astrology, has 12 signs, but instead of changing every month, they change every year. Each animal in the Chinese zodiac has its own unique qualities that affect everyone, if you believe in this sort of thing, which I totally do. On January 23, 2012, we enter the year of the dragon, which is roughly equivalent to Aries, which means we're all in for a year of ramming our heads into things, filing our hooves, and being competitive for no reason.

Even with only 12 signs, Chinese astrology runs on a 60-year cycle. Elements come into play (earth, fire, water, wood, and metal), as well as our old friends yin (female) and yang (male). So as we leave 2011, the year of the yin metal rabbit, 2012 will be the year of the yang water dragon, 2013 will be the year of the yin water snake, and so on forever until you don't need to care anymore because you'll be dead.

Let's talk about what sign you are!

Today's a big day for two of the country's most beloved ladies: The First Lady of the U.S. Michelle Obama and the First Lady of Comedy as far as most of us are concerned, Betty White. Besides having their b-day in common, it seems both women share a devoted fan ... that'd be President Obama. In fact, Obama hearts Betty so much that he taped an official birthday message for the now 90-year-old that aired on NBC's tribute last night.

While Republicans love to paint him as aloof or stuck up, the video's a glimpse of the real Barry -- a guy who surely appreciates all the funny that Betty's got to give. And I'm sure that's only one reason he took a quick time-out to do this shout-out to her.

Been waiting with bated breath for news of a sequel to the smash comedy hit, Bridesmaids? Well, I've got good news and bad news for you.

Even though Universal would absolutely LOVE to release a Bridesmaids 2 and see a box office payday equal or greater than the $288 mil. worldwide they made back in May -- cha-ching! -- Wiig has told The Hollywood Reporter, "We aren't working on that. [Co-writer Annie Mumolo] and I aren't planning a sequel. We are writing something else." And a source close to Judd Apatow has said that if Wiig and Mumolo weren't fully participating in a sequel, the producer isn't interested. Wow! As much as I would love to see another installment of Bridesmaids -- mostly because I adore Melissa McCarthy! -- this is awesome news.

Hanukkah is only a few days away, can you believe it? People all around the world will soon be lighting up their menorahs and spinning dreidels and making latkes and handing out gelt, celebrating and spending some QT with their loved ones. 

Even though Christmas carols tend to take over this time of year, there are plenty of sweet, moving, and, let's face it, totally hilarious Hanukkah songs out there to help get you into the spirit. Have a listen to some of our favorites -- and then be inspired to fry up some sufganiyah.

Earlier this week, we commented on a strip club that is offering lap dances in exchange for holiday toy donations. Yeah, we said WTH? too but decided to take the high road and talk about whether that's really the best way to boost charitable donations in a bad economy. We totally resisted the urge to bust a gut laughing and making jokes about the whole idea, but don't think we didn't want to. Turns out Jimmy Fallon took care of that for us last night on Saturday Night Live. The former SNL alum and guest star made a surprise appearance at his old Weekend Update newsdesk last night, when current anchor Seth Meyers introduced the story about the toys for lap dances. What followed were some awesome surprise appearances by more of our favorite former SNL cast members and a "joke off" that will have you roaring.

Okay, I have something to admit. It's not that I never liked Katherine Heigl, exactly. I thought she was really funny in Knocked Up. I even liked her in that movie where she inherited the baby with that cute guy, what's his name (oh yeah! Josh Duhamel). But she always kind of ... annoyed me. There, I said it.

Except NOW, I love her! Since Heigl appeared as a pet spaying/neutering advocate in a PSA for IHateBalls.com, I'm seeing the actress in a whole new light. A crotch plum-kicking light.

Oh, those terrible, terrible testicles ...

It's a dark, rainy day here in New York City, but lo! A ray of sunlight breaks from the clouds -- it is the wee, charming Marcel the Shell With Shoes On, back with a second video!

He arrives, panting, all the way from the water bottle, to chat with us all about his Zen-like philosophy on life, nicknames, and why he smiles all the time. Here's a few golden nuggets of wisdom I picked up from Marcel.