Let's play the celebrity version of Guess the Polar Opposites! Ready? Okay, one is a new-age-y guru with dedicated to helping the less fortunate (meaning everyone) attain her level of non-dairy, gluten-free enlightenment; the other is a fallen starlet with a talent for tying up traffic who could wallpaper a bedroom with her personal collection of mugshots. Any guesses? If you picked Gwyneth Paltrow as celeb #1 and Lindsay Lohan as celeb #2, you win! (Nothing, but whatever.)

The point is: LiLo and Gwynnie are two great tastes that taste nothing like each other, right? Except it looks like pretty soon these ladies will have lots in common. If by "lots" you mean ONE thing ... and I do! See, Lindsay Lohan (potentially) has a post-rehab gig lined up: Blogging about her recovery! And eventually having her own website featuring her "musings on art, fashion, music, and movies." Are you getting this? LiLo is getting her very own GOOP!!!

I'm not going to lie to you all and tell you that I was always punctual, but becoming a parent has put a whole new spin on my excuses for being late to meetings, lunches, parties, and appointments.

Back in the day, I was late because of normal stuff, you know, my hair didn't look just right, my alarm clock didn't go off, there was traffic on 95. When my kids were babies, it was explosive diarrhea, Exorcist-style spit-ups, and tantrums that all seemed to happen within moments of us leaving.

Now, between me barely keeping my head on straight and my kids being out of their minds, it's excuses like this:

Sorry I'm late but ...

Do you feel like you’re caught in the rut of rolling out of bed, donning the "Mom Uniform" with a ponytail, and heading out to start your day? 

I don’t! That's because I make a conscious effort not to get stuck in the "mom trap."

Look, I’ve let go of lots of things: workouts with any regularity, my ability to have a glass of wine midday, my affinity for "me time." But I refuse to give up the glam! I don’t care if I’m at the park with my stilettos digging into rubber mulch -- I simply won't let my style go (it’s all I have left!).  

And in that spirit, this week on The Jenny Isenman Show, I’m the expert. Watch after the jump and I’ll share a couple of my favorite tips for going from forgettable to fabulous, like:

Last week when 13-year-old Rachel Crow was eliminated from X Factor, we were shocked by her dramatic tears -- or, more accurately, we were shocked at how fake they looked. Well here's the second blow: TMZ is speculating that Paula Abdul told fellow judge Nicole Scherzinger to vote against Rachel!

If that's true, that means Paula Abdul got two votes -- and that's just not fair! This might also explain why Nicole looked so upset before and after Rachel's fate was announced. It's one thing to be disappointed over Rachel Crow. It's another to be let down by Paula Abdul!

Sinead O'Connor is back on the scene, but woefully, the washed-up star, who once made pop music history with her hit "Nothing Compares 2 U," isn't getting attention for a new single, album, or tour. Instead, she's raising eyebrows for strange blog posts, one of which details how desperately horny and lonely she is. In a piece entitled, "Is Sinead About to Hump Her Truck?" she explains that she isn't getting any, so she's been driven to consider getting it on with "inanimate objects ... inappropriate and/or unavailable men and/or inappropriate and/or unavailable fruits and vegetables." Oh no, Sinead, HONEY! (Side note: Um, hasn't this woman ever heard of a sex toy?)

Some may call it "TMI," "bizarre," or just a sign that the has-been has totally lost it, but my heart really goes out to her! The woman obviously has terribly low self-esteem.

Okay ... really?  You saw the title and clicked over to find out exactly why you shouldn’t eat your baby, didn’t you?  Honestly, I’m a little disappointed in you.  You don’t need an article to tell you this.  Babies should never be eaten.  Because they’re adorable.  And very fatty. 

But I can’t blame you because I was looking at some of the top stories on this very website and they were like “A Good Case for Pepper Spraying a Second Grader,” “World Penis Size Map Is Hard News to Swallow,” and my personal favorite: “Horse Semen Milkshake … Is It Worth the Calories?”  

Bravo broke new ground tonight with the first ever (and perhaps final) LIVE Real Housewives Reunion. While the ladies of Miami finally let loose a bit, even Andy Cohen seemed unsure what to make of them.

There was finally shouting, accusations, and rehashing -- of which I could maybe make out 50 percent of what was being said because everyone was yelling over one another. Plus, just because we at home had to break for commercials, the ladies kept going -- meaning we missed another big chunk of the show. Perhaps most amusing, however, was the fact that these women had so very little to fight about because little of significance even happened this season. That didn't stop them, of course.

Based on what I actually could hear, here are some of the highlights and lowlights I gleaned from the whole mess:

When you're just cruisin' online for info on diets, cleanses, postpartum depression, or osteoporosis, do you head straight to Gwyneth Paltrow's blog? Because, you know, she's the #1 expert you can't wait to hear the scoop -- err, GOOP -- from?

I didn't think so. After all, most of us just see Paltrow's contributions to the world wide web as fodder for getting our daily eye-rolling exercise in.

That's why I'm not really sure what AOL is thinking with their idea to tap similarly tall and skinny star, Heidi Klum, as a co-conspirator in online content creation. That's right. According to New York magazine, the supermodel-turned-entrepreneur may soon be getting her feet wet in the blogging world.