'True Blood' Series Finale Recap: Who Died & Who Basted Sookie's Turkey?

True Blood finale"Are you just winging it, or do you have a plan here?" I have to wonder if Pam's question to Eric during the series finale of True Blood was a tongue-in-cheek reference to the kind of criticism the show has received in its crazier of crazy moments (hmm, Lilith?). In the end, though, show-runner Bill Buckner had a clear plan: To bring it all back to Sookie and Bill. And, well, if you watched this show for its outlandish characters, sex, and bloody action, this was not the finale for you. If you watched because you enjoyed Sookie and Bill's relationship --- and the way it served as a heterosexual metaphor for the gay rights movement -- then it was the romantic and melancholy ending you craved.

Bill explained that he wanted to die because he wanted Sookie to have children and a normal life (by the way, this is not the 1860s; there are many ways to do that now, Bill). Also he wanted her to kill him with her onetime-use-only fairy light, thus unfairying herself and becoming normal. So, basically, Sookie had one day in which to sort out right-to-die issues mixed in with the debate over free will and whether God intended people to be different or if the different folks are "mistakes."

In the meantime, Bill also dying-wish-guilt-tripped Hoyt and Jessica into getting married, which is gross and selfish, but also sweet in some way. At least it was a good excuse for us to see Jason get mushy over Hoyt again (choice quote: "It puts everything in prescription for us"); Holly and Arlene wonder about breastfeeding a baby vampire; and Andy delivers a very nice "love is love" speech at the ceremony. Then we were deprived of any more cute Andy and Jason quotes and instead had to listen in on Bill's loving-death-wish thoughts, which Sookie could miraculously hear all of a sudden. Actually, it was really hard to pay attention to the wedding at all, because I was just waiting for Bill to do that Hep-V surprise explosion thing all the other sick vamps did at exactly the wrong moment during the wedding. So nerve-wracking.

But no. Instead, Sookie seemed to agree to Bill's proposal, dug up his old coffin, and dolled up in a cute funeral frock, even though she was about to be splashed with blood and goop for the 10,000th time. Honestly, if I were her, I'd just walk around in a vinyl poncho every day. After a long, drawn out goodbye (during which you could hear the sound of a million Eric fans sigh loudly as they got up to pee), Sookie spoke some real sense and told Bill she wasn't going to unfairy herself and change who she was, not even for the chance to be normal. Good thing there is always a wooden implement around for vampire staking convenience! Sob. Splash. Now what did I do with that shovel?

No really, Bill's death was sad and nicely done. But my gripe is that if this were any other episode of True Blood, not the series finale, the Pam-Eric-Mr. Gus-Sarah storyline would have been the A plot, not a silly bookend. In a nutshell, Eric finally got his Viking God back on, set Sarah fake free, and fire-bombed Mr. Gus in time to fly to Sookie's and save her, without us even getting a courtesy scene between them. We did, however, get the pleasure of watching Eric in a silly sports car bopping his head to the music. And then we got Eric and Pam, "one year later," filming the cheesiest of infomercials for New Blood. (Bonus points for not spelling that "Nu.") Perfection. But too, too short.

Then, four years after Bill's death, flash forward to everyone else's happily ever after at a Thanksgiving dinner hosted by a (gasp) very pregnant Sookie. Sarah Newlin is being pimped out by Pam in the Fangtasia basement. Eric's on the throne. Everyone is all coupled up as they were. And Sookie's man is ... cue Led Zeppelin's "Thank You." Gah!

How did you like that tease of an ending? Were you pissed we didn't see more of the other characters?


Image via HBO

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