Orange Is the New Black fans, I have some bad news. Well, maybe it's actually good news, depending on how you feel about Pablo Schreiber, AKA George Mendez, AKA the crooked corrections officer with the sweet-ass 'stache. But even if you hate Pornstache, you know you love to hate him, so no matter what, this is straight-up TERRIBLE news and I hope you're sitting down.
Ready? *deep breath* Pornstache won't be back next season. I KNOW, RIGHT? I'm so bummed I won't get to see him sexually assault and intimidate women, not to mention furthering their life-destroying drug addictions, and yes I realize exactly how awful that sounds.
What can I say, Pornstache just has a twisted appeal. Maybe it's that you get the sense that his character isn't all bad, despite his sadistic behavior. Maybe it's the fact that his outrageous one-liners are consistently among the funniest moments on the show ("Thanks to this missed opportunity for cradle death, you're here with me and all these other shitbirds"). Maybe it's that I know Pablo Schreiber really looks like this under that ridiculous mustache.
Whatever confusing sorcery makes us love/hate/love Pornstache, it's going to be MIA in season 3, because Schreiber won't be back. He told the NY Post he's leaving OITNB in favor of a new role on an HBO comedy called The Brink.
I was never a series regular on Orange Is The New Black. I was always a guest star. The role that I have on The Brink is a starring role, and it's a no brainer. Absolutely, I chose to jump on board with that show. It was a better move for me as an actor.
I guess I can understand his decision, but I am NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. He did leave us with one remaining sliver of hope that we'll see Pornstache again someday:
I feel so grateful to Orange. [Creator] Jenji [Kohan] obviously means a ton to me. I respect her to no end. I think she writes the best dialogue on TV right now. While season three is out of the picture, beyond that is open. I'm not a part of the third season, but going forward after that, we just don't know. I would go anywhere that [Kohan's] working, and I know that our paths will cross again soon, whether it's on Orange or on a future project.
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I hope Pablo Schreiber finds success with The Brink, but I also hope he comes back for a Pornstache cameo at some point. In the meantime, let's remember some of his finest, most offensive, decidedly NSFW moments:
Will you miss Pornstache?
Image via Netflix