Every time a singer's voice is autotuned, a super-cute kitten dies. Okay, fine, might be a little dramatic, but haven't you ever wondered what was really underneath all those adjusted pitches? Wonder no more! But be forewarned: It's pretty frightening. Britney Spears' unedited version of "Alien" has been released, and I'm not sure if my ears will ever recover.
It's just bad.
All right, all right, Britney has never been known for her amazing vocal skills. She's an entertainer and dancer first and foremost and has never pretended that she could sing "O Mio Babbino Caro," but it must be so devastating for the struggling artists out there who have actual talent and can't make a dime off of it.
You'll want to hear this for yourself, obviously.
Prepare and be amazed:
Well, anyway, it turned into this:
Well, apparently, as people kept searching for and listening to this version, the producer of the track, William Orbit, explained that this is a warm-up session, not the final take. Can't imagine the final take being much better, though ...
"I'd like to affirm that ANY singer when first at the mic at the start of a long session can make a multitude of vocalisations in order to get warmed up," he wrote. "Warming up is essential if you’re a pro, as it is with a runner doing stretches, and it takes a while to do properly. I’ve heard all manner of sounds emitted during warm-ups. The point is that it is not supposed to be shared with millions of listeners.
"A generous singer will put something down the mic to help the engineer get their systems warmed up and at the right level, maybe whilst having a cup of herb tea and checking through lyrics before the session really kicks off. It’s not expected to be a 'take.'"
Who knows if this is just a warmup or what the autotuners actually changed up, but as most of us with the gift of hearing probably suspected, Britney isn't really that good of a singer to begin with. And that's okay -- she has legions of fans for other reasons. But still, it's always tough when songs that require more technology than actual talent make the charts and the cash ... while the struggling singer on Broadway performing her ass off six days a week has more talent in her pinkie finger than Britney ever will.
I really wish autotune would go away. But that means all the pretty people with no discernible singing ability wouldn't be able to produce singles and music videos of them looking steamy and sexy. If they can no longer do that -- well, the world would simply explode. Guess we just need to accept autotune nowadays as a way of life, which is pretty scary and unfortunate.
Though I can't imagine how much alcohol the autotuners had to consume trying to make this sound like an actual "song." Bless their poor, hopefully well paid hearts.
Are you surprised at all by Britney's original track? What do you think of autotune?
Image via Nathan/Wikimedia