It's really hard to believe that The Hills' villains Spencer and Heidi (Montag) Pratt are still married, but not only are they still married, they are moving towards having kids. Sort of. The kids idea is in the air anyway, and Heidi is running towards it, while Spencer hoofs it in the other direction. Enter Celebrity Wife Swap. The show swaps plastic surgery-obsessed Heidi into the woodsy Seattle home of Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard and her husband, photographer Sacha, and their two young kids.
Heidi, who seems to have settled into her new face (or maybe I've just gotten used to it), leaves her beachfront home in Los Angeles for the rainy lakes of Seattle with Amanda's hubby. Amanda, meanwhile, travels to LaLa land to shack up with Spencer and the pair's four little dogs.
While Amanda is accustomed to getting up at 5 a.m. and taking care of her kids, baby Doone Isla and 4-year-old Blaise Ray, Spencer regularly sleeps late while recovering from a hard-drinking night on the town. It doesn't appear, years after The Hills' ended and Speidi spent their $10 million fortune, that Spencer has gotten a job. He spends most of his days polishing his obscenely large crystal collection and catching some rays on the deck.
Amanda is determined to get Spencer in the mood for babies, so she brings him a crying plastic doll. He christens it "Thing." Such a paternal instinct, that one. (In his defense, I'm not sure who this would work with.)
Meanwhile, Heidi drools over Amanda's two kids the second she sees them. "This is the best!" she repeatedly exclaims, eyeing them like a starving dog with a raw steak waved in front of its snout.
Heidi isn't too keen on the other parts of the Beard family life -- weeding and fishing, for instance -- but gushing over the children comes naturally to her. She's determined, however, to get Sacha and the kids out on the town, which results in one of those awkward dinners where the adults try to eat as the kids squirm around and annoy everyone.
While Heidi's days with the Beard family result in her becoming even more determined to have children, Spencer's experience with "Thing" has the opposite effect. "This is the portal to hell," he grouses as Amanda grills him a dinner on the back deck while "Thing" squalls.
Amanda also kicks his butt in a swimming competition (no surprise there) and introduces him to some FBI trainers, as he'd mentioned he wanted to be in the FBI. (What?! Please, no!) But nothing can seem to shake Spencer's determination to spend his life guzzling margaritas and enchiladas at his favorite Mexican restaurant.
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At the show's conclusion, when the married couples are reunited, it's clear that Heidi is more determined than ever to have children -- and Spencer more than ever to get a vasectomy. "After that awesome experience with baby Thing, the timeline [for having children] has stretched another ten years," he informs Heidi, who sheds a few tears at this news.
Normally I'd say a major disagreement like this is a recipe for divorce, but these two have been married eight years and seem more in love than ever. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear the pitter patter of baby Speidi fairly soon. Hopefully, that inspires Spencer to get a job -- or sell his crystal collection.
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Image via ABC