If you've ever wondered why Kanye West married Kim Kardashian, wonder no more. Oh, I know we all thought it was because they'd known each other for so long, it was friendship caught fire. Or because Kanye truly admired Kim's street smarts and business sense. Or because he found her personality so sweet and charming. But we would all be wrong. Kanye married her for none of those reasons -- hell, not even that he knocked her up. He married her because ... oh, good lord, get ready for it.
Kanye told an audience in Cannes:
I can’t be with any girl but Kim because that’s the girl I look at her pictures the most, I get turned on the most.
He compared her to his penchant for wanting to be with whatever is the "number one" thing in the world -- and Kim, according to Kanye anyway, is the "number one woman in the world."
Now, don't get me wrong. Wouldn't it be nice if every husband felt this way about his wife? That she was number one in the world?
But seriously, does Kanye realize there might come a time when Kim isn't so va-va-voom? When she might have a walker, a Pacemaker, and boobs down to her pelvic bones? Her delightfully watermelonesque ass may have its own ZIP code when she's 80. I mean, at least two more ZIP codes than it has now!
Having him say nothing about her personality, and only mentioning how her pictures turn him on, makes me think she's just another accessory to Kanye.
All the plastic surgery in the world won't stop you from having wrinkles and sags when you're old. (Unless you're Cher. Someone please explain that to me.) Is Kanye still going to love Kim when she's 64, as the Beatles might say?
There may, gasp, come a time when Kanye looks at a picture of another woman and gets even more turned on looking at her than he does looking at Kim. Will that give him an excuse to leave? "Um, sorry, babe, but that chick's ass shot on Insta looks so much better than yours now. Gotta fly."
Let's hope that what Kanye really means is that no matter what Kim looks like, she'll always turn him on more than anyone else. Meanwhile, this declaration makes it sound like he's physically incapable of cheating. Which is pretty cute. Though I wouldn't make any bets on it.
Is Kanye's declaration unrealistic?
Image via Steve Mack/Getty