On tonight's episode of True Tori, the embattled couple wrestle with whether Dean should return to "the scene of the crime" -- Toronto -- where Dean cheated on Tori. Dean has been offered another season of Chopped: Canada, and if he doesn't go, they both perceive that his career, such as it is, will be over. Tori, naturally, doesn't want him going. Not only will that leave her with their four kids ("with no help" she stresses, keeping up the pretense that they don't have nannies), but she doesn't trust that Dean won't start drinking and doing god only knows what else. Actually, we all know!
Tori mentions that in an article written about the show (Tori reads this stuff? Hi, Tori!), the author declared that if Tori ever hopes to trust Dean again, she needs to have complete access to his phone and computer. When Dean hands over his phone, she immediately backtracks. "I don't want to be that person," she says. Oh, hell no. Tori plays hard ball. She don't need no phone, 'cause she's got a TV show!
At their eighth-anniversary dinner, the two seem lovey-dovey like we haven't seen in awhile. "Thank you for loving me," Dean says. "Thank you for giving me another chance."
"Thank you for hearing me," Tori responds. Tori, we've all heard you!
At lunch with friends, one pal suggests that Tori make Dean sign a contract -- that if he ever cheats or drinks again, Tori leaves and Dean "gets nothing." (Oh crap, there's no pre-nup?!) When another friend jokingly suggests that Dean have the contract tattooed on him, Tori admits that Dean already has a tattoo in a surprising spot -- right above his penis. "It says 'Tori's,'" she confesses. "And months later, he cheated on me." Err, so much for that tattoo idea.
At their therapy session, Dean offers not to go to Toronto, but that isn't good enough for Tori. She wants him not to go because HE doesn't want to -- not because Tori doesn't want him to. Tori doesn't seem to realize this argument doesn't work with men. Didn't she see The Breakup? Remember when Jennifer Aniston wanted Vince Vaughn to want to do the dishes and he was like, Who wants to do dishes? Yeah, it's like that.
Eventually, Dean tells Tori that he's made a decision. "I can't go," he says. "I can't leave you and the family right now."
But Tori tells him she too has thought about it, and now she wants him to go. "We can't let one huge mistake define us," she tells him. This despite telling him at least 50 times that if he went, the marriage wouldn't survive. Tori might be more all over the place than Dean.
Tori and the kids drive Dean to the airport -- the kids saying good-bye to him for the third time in six months. They seem oddly detached from it. Maybe they are just used to it. Maybe they want Dean out of the house so they can have some peace and quiet.
"Be good," Tori warns him.
"I'll be Mother Teresa," he promises. (Mother Teresa just threw up a little in her mouth, rest her soul.)
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As the music swells and Tori heads back home to be a single parent once again, she concludes, "Life's not a fairy tale, it's not a movie. I might not get the happy ending."
Judging from this episode, it does seem the couple have every intention of staying together. Provided Dean keeps Tori's property in his pants.
For those of you who still suspect the show was all staged, next week promises a reunion special where that question will be answered. Wouldn't that be a kick in the pants if they say it was all fake and go, "See what good actors we are? Hire us!"
As for Tori and Dean, my personal opinion is that the two will stay together. They have four kids who need them. They clearly still love each other. I can't say I understand Dean, nor have I figured out how sincere he is in his efforts to save his marriage. He's got the kind of flinty eyes that give me the impression he'd cheat again in a heartbeat if he thought he could get away with it -- but for now, he likely thinks he can't.
As for Tori, she loves Dean. But she also sees the pair as a brand. If Mystery Girls is a success, that could change, and she might begin to see herself as better off without Dean. But that's a big IF.
But those kids. Those sometimes bratty and infuriating, but mostly funny, playful, and cute, kids. Those kids will be the glue that keeps this very raw, tumultuous, and somewhat dysfunctional couple trying.
Do you think they will stay together? Was this all fake?
Image via Lifetime