Don't try and play innocent, Heather Dubrow. We alllllll heard you loudly insist that the hunk-for-hire operating your bull-ride up the speed when it came time for Tamra Judge to go for a ride. Though all things being equal, Tamra and her terrible cowboy hat totally had it coming. Indeed, my rose and I have decided that this episode should be retitled "There's a Ho-down at the Hoedown."
Now, why exactly am I being so hard on poor, bruised Tamra? Because she took an already socially awkward affair and made it basically unbearable for all parties involved. Sure, tensions were already running high after the infamous "chair" debacle from last time -- but there was no reason to make things even more juvenile. Tamra Judge, I find you guilty of pot-stirring in the first degree! Conveniently, the punishment for this is being thrown from a bull -- animatronic or otherwise. Consider it time served, girl.
I'm not saying that I think Heather is blameless in any of this, mind you. She hosted a charming (if totally tacky) ground-breaking party for her new homestead! Why fixate on berating guests for tardiness? In my humble estimation, going to town on a guest at your own party for being late is even more rude than said guest showing up late to begin with. I slapped my forehead so many times you'd think I was starring in a V8 commercial.
It kind of seems unfair of me to be going to town on Heather for her rudeness when Vicki Gunvalson literally snored her way out of a conversation that bored her. But, I mean, Vicki IS rude. Her being a bitchy weirdo at these events? That's something we've come to expect. Heather serving pure awfulness? That's a thing slightly more rare.
I wonder how long it's all going to take to bite Heather in the bung-hole. We've got audio AND visual of her going, "TURN UP THE SPEED VERY HIGH" when Tamra mounted the bull. Man, what if Tamra had broken her neck or something? And then Heather had been charged with murder! .... Remember that time I just accidentally wrote fan fiction about The Real Housewives of Orange County? IT JUST HAPPENED.
Do you think Heather will pay for her bull-themed crimes?
Image via Bravo