Let me state for the record that I don't condone complaining about spoilers more than a day or so after an episode has aired. I know better than to surf social media on the night of a hotly anticipated season finale. Since my day job involves scanning through hundreds of entertainment news items, I've mastered an entire spoiler-avoiding routine where I click away the instant I see a potentially ruinous headline. But I got spoilered BIG TIME on Game of Thrones last night, and it was all your fault.
Okay, maybe it wasn't your fault. But if you were one of the many, many people who apparently watches every Game of Thrones episode while clutching your smartphone so you can immediately tweet your reaction to anything momentous that happens onscreen, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM.
(I'm about to rant about spoilers while disclosing a spoiler. If you haven't seen last night's "The Lion and the Rose" GoT episode, save yourself! Stop reading now!)
So I'm obviously talking about the conclusion to the Purple Wedding episode, in which horrible King Joffrey chokes, drools, leaks blood from various facial orifices, and dies a satisfyingly agonizing death. This was a hell of a scene, but it would have been even better if I hadn't seen a flurry of "RIP JOFFREY" tweets posted before the show even aired on the west coast.
Even Stephen King spoilered me, for christ's sake.
King Joffrey: one glass of one too many. See you later, you sadistic little punkass.— Stephen King (@StephenKing) April 14, 2014
Now, before you start arguing with me about why it's okay to post spoilers, let me tell you why you're just flat-out wrong.
"Well, Joffrey's death was in the books, soooooo." Hey guess what? I haven't read the books. There's no law that says you only get to enjoy the TV show if you've read the original story. Seriously: I checked. I CHECKED ALL THE LAWS.
"You shouldn't have been on social media before watching the show." I would normally agree with you ... IF it was a finale episode. I had no way of knowing something this major was going to go down, and I had, like, zero warning. I opened Twitter and bam, insta-spoiled.
"It's been proven that spoilers don't actually detract from the viewing experience and in fact some believe they enhance--"
Really, it's a fairly basic matter of etiquette. Yes, avoiding spoilers has become more complicated lately with shows like House of Cards that can be binge-watched, but when an episode airs on a specific date, at a specific time, it's just good manners to not to rush online in order to comment on a big plot twist. What does that even get you, anyway? A scintillating conversation like this?
You: OMG JOFFREY'S DEAD.
Anyone who's actually seen it: I KNOW RIGHT? OMG.
Them: OMG TOTALLY.
You: DAT BLOOD THO.
Meanwhile, everyone who hasn't even had a chance to see the goddamned episode because you're tweeting on East Coast time:
What's your policy about show spoilers? Do you avoid talking about big episodes for a certain period of time?
Image via HBO