Who knew divorce could make you so horny? If you're Miranda Kerr, who is separated from Orlando Bloom, you can't seem to shut up about sex now that you've filed your walking papers. First, we heard that Miranda "appreciates women" and might like to "explore" with women. Which Orlando is probably sooo glad he missed out on because no man ever said, "I want to see two hot Victoria's Secret models get it on." Plus, it's wrong of me to assume Miranda would go for a lipstick lesbian. She might totally be into the Home Depot type. That said, now Miranda is confessing something else about her sex life ... and it's totally ... bizarre?
Miranda reportedly told British GQ magazine:
I always ask for a critique on my performance. I always want to better myself in every way.
To be clear here, Miranda is not talking about her performance in the New York Philharmonic. She's talking about in the sack. Yes, no sooner has a man rolled over and lit his first cigarette than Miranda is all, "So how was it? Was it all it could have been? Did you take notes? Anything you'd like me to improve upon?"
Hey, I'm all for discussing your sex life. I think it's really important that you be honest and forthright about what works for you and what doesn't -- and ask your partner to tell you the same. Too many couples are scared of this. Too many women have let men suck their toes even though it totally feels slimy and ticklish and you just want to scream, "STOP THAT ALREADY!!!" but instead you're fake moaning while praying for it to end. I mean, I'm just guessing. Ahem.
And if you're a gorgeous gal like Miranda, you might just assume that being gorgeous is enough. That you can just lie there like a sweet plate of fresh fruit to be devoured and the guy should be totally honored you're not calling the police.
So good on Miranda for wanting to have the "talk" after sex. What worries me is that she says she "always" asks for a critique. Like after every roll in the hay? Doesn't that get exhausting for the guy? What if he runs out of complaints and pointers?
Also, a critique is for a play, not an intimate encounter. There's having a mutual discussion of likes and dislikes -- and then there's a "critique." That sounds kind of clinical and off-putting.
But I'm sure none of this will stop gajillions of men from trying to get to the point where they can critique Miranda.
Do you like to critique your partner after sex? What about if your partner critiques you?
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