Justin BieberREAL TALK: I am pissed at the Miami Beach Police Department. Why am I angry with a fully accredited law enforcement agency, which is "dedicated to pursuing every opportunity and engaging all challenges as part of this organization’s on-going quest for excellence," you ask? Well, aside from the fact that their website uses the term "on-going" as if it's perfectly normal to put a dash in there, I'm completely disgusted with the fact that the Miami police are making me defend Justin Bieber.

I don't want to defend Justin Bieber, you guys. I want to make fun of his awful clown shoes and his droopy pants and his bad decisions and his pouty little slappable King Joffrey face. Instead, I'm thinking how reprehensible it is that his January DUI has spiraled into a freakish police show-and-tell, which has resulted, so far, in a slew of revealing arrest photos and a video of his URINE TEST.

When I heard about Bieber's arrest on January 23, I figured that while being charged with driving under the influence, resisting arrest, and driving with an expired license was surely a pain in his Bizzle, he probably wasn't quite as devastated by the whole scenario as a normal citizen would be. After all, he can throw infinite amounts of money and lawyers at this legal mess, and he's got resources the rest of us can only dream about. I mean, if I get my license suspended, I'm riding the damn bus, you know? Bieber can just hop in his private gold-plated fur-accented supermodel-enhanced jet.

However, it's obvious now that his celebrity status has created a very unusual situation that seems incredibly invasive, so much so that I can hardly believe it's legal. I have never heard of a DUI case where over NINE HOURS of footage gets released to the public, including the entire sobriety test and a baffling amount of jail cell video (including this fascinating clip of Bieber doing pushups). Not to mention the photos that lovingly document every single one of his tattoos.

Now there's even a video showing Bieber taking his urinalysis test. And there are more videos coming, including one that cops are tasked with "obfuscating Bieber's genital area" because it shows him peeing into a jail toilet.

I guess I can understand that this stuff needs to be entered into evidence for the case, but why on earth is it being released for public viewing? Do the Miami police have a vendetta against this kid, or does the judge? Or are media publications the ones clamoring for this intrusive footage? Whatever the reason, it's celebrity culture at its most deplorable. As much as I am not a Justin Bieber fan, he doesn't deserve to be headlining TMZ's front page quite like this:

Why do you think Bieber's arrest videos are going public? Do you think it's an invasion of his privacy?


Images via Miami Beach Police Department