Johnny Depp is Marrying Amber Heard Because She Knows What He Really Wants

Johnny DeppJohnny Depp is engaged to a woman half his age, when he never got engaged to the woman who had his two children, and as Church Lady would say, Isn't that special? We heard that maybe he never married his French baby mama Vanessa Paradis because, gee, she never wanted to get married ... but maybe that's because she thought Johnny wouldn't just run off with some young costar? Isn't that special. But now there's a report as to why Johnny wants to marry Amber Heard and, you know, presumably that's somehow related to why he wouldn't marry the mother of his freaking kids.

People magazine reports that, according to some source who claims to know Johnnykins, he wants to marry Amber because:

She's a great match for him and his individuality. She's a free spirit.

Let me translate for you. Johnny won't mind if he sleeps with other women. Okay, I'm just making that up. But "individuality" sounds like a code word for "non-exclusivity" and "free spirit" a euphemism for "She's gonna do what she wants and let him do what he wants," i.e. sleep with other women. See how I've got this figured out?

Evidence: Amber is bisexual -- or at least used to be -- and maybe Johnny thinks (or maybe he knows) that the good times can roll in their marriage. Hey, save your hate letters, people. I know people who are bisexual and got married and they can't just sleep with other people. This is just my personal theory on Johnny and Amber, 'kay?

Because Johnny never married Vanessa. This galls me. It galls me that he runs off and gets engaged to the first woman he dates after her -- a woman young enough to be his daughter.

I don't know if Vanessa is galled. I'm galled for her. Well, let's see if Amber sticks around when Johnny needs his hip replacement.

Do you think Johnny and Amber will last?


Image via Michael Buckner/Getty

in the news, marriage, celeb couples, people

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nonmember avatar me

Your theory is really mean...you don't know those people. What if Amber is a nice and interesting woman who loves him? And not only a blond sex object as you are making her to looks like? They can't be in love? Just because their age gap? And what if he didn't marry Vanessa only because he knew he didn't love her enough to marry her? She got pregnant a couple of months after they met! It's a sin if he didn't love her enough? He was with her 14 years...

nonmember avatar Ana

Your theory is SPOT ON. If Vanessa got pregnant too quickly, he could have ended it at that. But he went on to have ANOTHER child so that settles it. He was happy to have Vanessa reproduce for him, so he can have his children all set by a beautiful, talented, and just fantastic lady who would make a wonderful mother and make Johnny shine. It's all about HIM HIM HIM. He has absolutely disgusted everyone with this choice he made. Amber does NOT show any special attributes other than beauty and mediocre acting and it is obvious why he is with her. All these "what ifs..." are by people who want to justify something that is not justifiable. And for all of the women who used to like Johnny cause we thought he was "different" he has proven that Hollyweird finally made him "normal."

jaxmadre jaxmadre

Sooo.... You're saying bisexuals can't be monogamous? I'm not bisexual, but if I were, I think I'd be offended by this so-called "evidence."

k8edid k8edid

By several accounts, they never got married because Vanessa didn't want to.

nonmember avatar Tina

I see more brunette Hispanic & light skinned black girls as talentless sex bunnies the past 20 years in movies & tv .. I think Amber does have talent ppl. just have the old discrimination ideals about blondes.

nonmember avatar Shonna

Okay, I have to be honest! I do NOT in anyway see how these two go together! I am the exact same age as Amber and cannot for the life of me see her sticking around when that handsome face starts to get very aged and wrinkled! And, as we all know Johnny is a serial proposer! He has been engaged so many times it hurts! Don't get me wrong... If it is true love I am super excited for them....but I just don't see it lasting long at all! Plus I watched her on Jimmy Kimmel Live and....lets just say she is mighty full of herself and it deffinetly shows!

nonmember avatar Nancy

There's no fool like an old fool Johnny! Congratulations you have now become a Hollywood cliche!

nonmember avatar cheese

Their getting married because they love each other. Age doesnt matter, really. Love is love :)

nonmember avatar Bob

I find it funny you call yourself a journalist. Because, as a rule, journalists should never cover something and report something they have no facts on. I know this cause I am one. This is an incredibly shallow and bitter display of writing.

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