Did you hear about Justin Bieber's house getting raided by cops? And how they found jars filled with weed and a bunch of codeine bottles and sizzurp cups that prove Bieber is a total addict? Sure, cops have come forward to say the report isn't true, and that in fact Bieber's house was "orderly," and "didn’t look like a drug pad," but come on. This is like that line from Life of Pi: "Tell me, since it makes no factual difference to you and you can't prove the question either way, which story do you prefer?" CLEARLY we prefer the story where the young pop star with the once-wholesome reputation is getting wasted on drugged-up pineapple Fanta every night. And so it goes with God -- or in this case, Justin Bieber.
Bieber's very latest antics apparently include visiting a Miami strip joint last night and spending $75,000 in $1 bills on various nekkid ladies. That, of course, was after he had a text message fight with Selena Gomez during which he sent her a picture of his dick.
Right. Is anyone else getting a certain feeling about all this salacious tabloid stories?
I'm not here to defend Justin Bieber's honor or anything, but the guy is obviously caught up in one of those media shitstorms where it's impossible to know what's really going on behind all the OMG LOOK WHAT HE DID NOW headlines. I mean, since 2011, he's been accused of fathering a child via a one-night stand, assaulting a bodyguard, spitting on a neighbor, not paying a laser tag bill (?), visiting a Brazilian brothel, stealing a bike, getting in a parking lot brawl, peeing his initials into the snow, and about a billion other things which range from Unsurprising Teen Celebrity Behavior to Holy Shit Why Isn't This Guy in Rehab.
Clearly the dude has made some baffling decisions lately -- being caught on camera taking a whizz in a mop bucket while cursing out Bill Clinton, for instance -- but I doubt he's quite the sizzurp-slurping, penis-texting mess he appears to be. Or maybe he is! The point is, as long as his headlines keep pushing gossip rag sales, there's no way to know.
I'm sure the attention on Justin Bieber would die down if he avoided controversy altogether, but since that seems unlikely, I'm guessing a rehab stint is in his future. Not even necessarily because of his own personal problems, but because eventually it will be the only way to restore his image.
Meanwhile, let's all stay tuned for the next breaking Bieber story, which is 100 percent guaranteed to involve 1) sex, 2) substance abuse, 3) unhinged behavior, and/or 4) alien abduction.
Do you think the reports surrounding Justin Bieber lately are grounded in truth at all?
Image via Complex magazine