A Kanye West Religion Actually Exists but That's Not the Funniest Part

Kanye WestThere's no way to ease into this: there's a religion based around Kanye West. Seriously. REALLY. The Kanye West religion has a name, and it's Yeezianity. The main belief of this monstrosity of a religion (I use the term religion loosely): "That the one who calls himself Yeezes (that's Kanye, folks) is a divine being who has been sent by God to usher in a New Age of humanity."

Just wait, it gets better. The religion, founded by a man who used to be an atheist and has chosen to remain anonymous, follows what they call "5 Pillars." There's some structure to this, PEOPLE.

Something tells me that Kanye would totally approve of a religion that A) carries his name and B) has a positive message about viewing yourself as a god. But he may have something to say about Yeezianity's 5 Pillars, though ...

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So first, let's list Yeezianity's original pillars:

  1. All things created must be for the good of all.
  2. No human being’s right to express themselves must ever be repressed.
  3. Money is unnecessary except as a means of exchange.
  4. Man possesses the power to create everything he wants and needs.
  5. All human suffering exists to stimulate the creative powers of Man.

So essentially what I'm getting from this is that Kanye West concerts should be free? Like, if Yeezus is "replacing" Jesus and his people want to communicate freely, that exchange should be valued in time and compassion rather than Benjamins ... right?

Gee. Yeezianity is so free-spirited and self-motivating. Yeezianity also makes me want to vomit in many ways. I mean, I'm actually a fan of a lot of Kanye's music (more so the older stuff like College Dropout) and you KNOW I'm a fan of Kim Kardashian -- but to worship this guy as a GOD? Man. What is this world coming to?

With that said, if Kanye were to make his own religion, you KNOW those wouldn't be his pillars. Nah, they'd look a little more somethin' like this:

  1. All human cruelty to others deserves an adequate response. Karma’s a bitch.
  2. Man possesses the power to seek out the most beautiful woman in the world and make her theirs.
  3. Clothing is more than just a covering of one's body, it's a way to express one's self. (Donatella is my #1 beeyotch.)
  4. Being godly isn't something that can be achieved, it's something you need to embody.
  5. No one else can preach Yeezianity aside from Yeezus himself. Ever. Except, OK, maybe Jay-Z.

And let us all say: Amen West.

 

Image via Kenny Sun/Flickr

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