Here's some potentially bad news for Lindsay Lohan: while she was traveling back from China earlier this week, her laptop was stolen. That would suck for anyone, but apparently it sucks extra hard for Lohan because her computer is jam-packed with nude photos.
According to TMZ, Lohan is freaking out about her missing laptop because she had a bunch of naked images of herself saved on there (from "various photo shoots that were never supposed to be released"). Oh, and there's also reportedly some sensitive “private correspondence" on there, including emails between Lohan and various celebrities including Lady Gaga and Woody Allen.
Lohan herself tweeted about the theft, so at least part of this story appears to be true. Assuming the worst happens and the contents of her laptop are made public, here are 10 totally shocking things I hope are uncovered.
1. A full-body shot of Lindsay wearing a comfortable pair of boyfriend jeans and a sweatshirt.
2. A grocery shopping list that includes milk, toilet paper, and coffee filters.
3. An email conversation between Lindsay and Lady Gaga that goes like this:
Lindsay: "Hey Stef, have you seen this hilarious news blooper video?"
Gaga: "Haaaaa, the lady who drew a penis! HAAAAA."
Lindsay: "OMG, the guy dry-humping the reporter's head."
Gaga: "I'm peeing I'm laughing so hard. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA."
4. A close-up photo of Lindsay's feet in big fluffy Isotoner slippers.
5. A collection of sobriety quotes, including this poem by A.E. Housman:
Could man be drunk for ever
With liquor, love, or fights,
Lief should I rouse at morning
And lief lie down of nights.
But men at whiles are sober
And think by fits and starts,
And if they think, they fasten
Their hands upon their hearts.
6. Three saved images of Australian shepherd puppies.
7. A recipe for Crock-Pot white chicken chili.
8. The following email exchange between Lindsay and Woody Allen:
Lindsay: "Mr. Allen, I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoy all your movies."
Woody Allen: "Why, thank you! What a nice thing to say."
9. A selfie of Lindsay holding up a giant Toblerone bar and pretending to devour it in one bite.
10. An Amazon purchase receipt for the book titled Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life.
In other words, if Lindsay Lohan's computer contents really do get sold to the highest bidder, I hope they're the polar opposite of tabloid fodder. God knows the world doesn't need more naked photos of her, and she doesn't need a giant scandal just when it seems like she's been keeping her nose clean.
Unless, of course, she WANTS a scandal ... one that puts her in the limelight without getting arrested. Hmmmmm.
Do you think there's a chance Lindsay's 'stolen laptop' story is a publicity stunt?
Image via Instagram