You know it's Tuesday because since I awoke this morning, I've been rolling about the alleys of Brooklyn singing, "Got a seeecret, can you keeeeep it," in a wavering falsetto. I'm like the alley scene in Breakfast at Tiffany's but all alone, not basically a prostitute, and also there is no cat. Moving on.
Do you have your eyelash extensions and off-beat pop-cultural references primed? Lucy Hale's unfortunate country twang and I sure hope so! Why's that? Because Pretty Little Liars IS BACK! There's a lot going on, and the girl-gang spent the first 15 minutes or so getting us back up to speed while glaring at Ali's non-grave in a stylish crypt, slender arms crossed and scowls firmly in place.
Everybody's reeling because Ali's back from the grave and also Caleb is a ghost. Confession: I have not been watching Ravenswood. I am assuming he is a ghost because that makes this episode INTENSELY interesting. It was either infer he was dead or re-imagine the role as played by Ellen DeGeneres. Pick your adventure, gentle reader. I went with ghost, because the idea of Ellen dumping Hanna was more than my heart could take. That's right, Caleb's Ghost and Also His Hair dumped Hanna. He was like, "You don't understand, I've got my own show, and I guess it's doing okay, so I've got to weep in my car -- provided ghosts can weep?" Hanna huffed and puffed and then presumably blew James Franco.
Spencer and Toby('s hair -- seriously guys, the man-hair on this show) went head to head with a major medical corporation to prove his mom didn't off herself. It was like if Enlightened had starred Annie from Community. In other words -- the greatest.
But the real cake (cake, cake, cake, cake) this episode had to be Sketchy Ezra. Second only to Sketchy Mona trying to get him to enlist her as a new assistant in evil doings. I know it's ultimately going to be a long-winded red herring, but Ezra being all wild-eyed and insane and assigning side-eye worthy books for the class to read and possibly keeping Ali locked in his basement -- it's my new favorite thing.
What can I say? I love a bad boy. I have a framed photo of Buffalo Bill beside my bed to enjoy in my private time. So does Aria. She cares not that suddenly her on-again, off-again English teacher has forgotten how to blink -- sister-friend just cares that they've got their own bang shack rife with paintings of trains, never mind who is buried beneath it.
Do you watch Ravenswood? Should I be watching Ravenswood? Is Caleb a ghost? Do they at least explain his hair? Also, do you think Ali's mom knows she's "back"? What about the other missing girl -- connected or a fluke? Share, share, share! I want every single theory. For my files.
Image via ABC Family