Tonight marks a landmark event on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Joyce-Not-Jacqueline finally struck back! We've all been waiting for her to stand up to Brandi Glanville. B-Girl can be super-fun, but she can also be a baby-voiced psychopath when she's tippling the vino. When she's drunk she doesn't hesitate to play Queen of the Mean Girls. Lately Joyce has been her target -- also black people. Because Brandi is racist.
Sadly, when Joyce finally put in her two cents -- Brandi crumpled like Scheana Marie with an ankle "contusion." There is nothing awesome when one woman's moment of triumph comes only thanks to another's total meltdown. Joyce being all "Hello pot, YOU'RE DRUNK" did not make her seem better-than. Neither did sniping to Kyle Richards about Brandi's inability to "keep a man." I guess they both had to fiercely assert their heterosexuality given that they had chosen a golf course as the scene for their catch-up session.
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This was a banner episode for our gal Kyle! Not only did she manage to finally gain an ally other than her sister, but she spent 98 percent of the episode gaining egress to the anal cavity of Jamie Lee Curtis and her endless bucket of Activia Yogurt for Female Bowels. Seriously. I've never crawled that far up someone's poop shoot -- not even if they bought me dinner first. Ass cracks aside (hilarious pun), Kyle's fashion show raised a butt-ton (sorry, had to) of money for kids with cancer. Real Housewives love charity as much as they love endlessly dissecting the ephemeral drama that makes up most of their lives. Almost.
Lisa Vanderpump also offered an olive branch to Joyce this episode. "Here Joyce," she said, flinging the thing her way. "I hear you like olives so I broke off this branch from my olive tree -- which is pink. Ken had it cultivated to celebrate the 18-year anniversary of the first time I told him to take his gamy mitts off my knee." But seriously. Lisa tried to make amends for Brandi's behavior toward Joyce. Wisely, Joyce was all "She owes me an apology herself, and these olives are hilarious." I can't see a friendship building between Joyce and Brandi any time soon.
In unrelated news -- Carlton Gebbia got a pentagram tattoo. The woman needs her own show, she's wasted on these clowns -- agree or disagree?
Image via BravoTV